What I've learned

I have a wonderful life, I do.  I'm in love, I have a beautiful, healthy child, we have a nice home and food on the table... Life is fantastic.  But I sometimes wonder, could I have just bypassed that bad shit and still ended up here?  There are five years of my life in particular that I'd like to tie in a weighted burlap sack and throw into a river, never to be thought of again. 

One of my goals in life is to learn from every experience I have.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I hate looking back on parts of my life with a feeling that all I've gone through was a waste.  My first marriage was a study in what NOT to do in a relationship.  Here are a few things I learned from that little experience:

1. DON'T marry someone you even REMOTELY think might be batting for the other team.  In my experience, if you think they're gay, they probably are, and no amount of sexual prowess you may possess as a woman will get them to stop thinking about cock. 



2. Don't marry someone who has the same temperament as you.  If you both have quick tempers, you'll end up fighting all the time.



3. If you find gay porn on your computer, and YOU didn't put it there, he's probably gay.



4. If he lies to you about stupid things, like when he bought that new shirt, or where he put the Kleenex, he's probably lying to you about bigger things too



5. If he grabs your ass and fondles your boobies in public, but when you get home won't so much as kiss you on the cheek.  Really, he's probably gay.



6. Having all the "stuff", like new cars, a new house, nice furniture, etc... doesn't make your marriage better.  Just because it looks good on the surface, doesn't mean it's good underneath.  In other words, if you're working harder on making your marriage LOOK good instead of it actually BEING good, it's not as good as you think it is.



7. If a package comes in the mail, you open it and it's a set of vibrators that you didn't order, yep, probably gay.



8. Don't try to compete with your mother-in-law if your husband is a mamas boy.  She will ALWAYS win.



9. If you found out he had sex with the best man from your wedding, yea, he's definitely gay.



10. Most importantly, If he treats you badly, if he lies to you, steals from you and abuses you, he doesn't really love you because someone who loves you will treat you with respect and dignity.  And you deserve that, no matter what he says.

I have the best husband in the world now.  He treats me with respect. I am his partner, I am his lover, I am the mother of his child and he makes me feel loved and valued in all three of those roles.  I never fear that he will hurt me, neither physically nor verbally.  Unfortunately, I can't be sure that I would appreciate how amazing my husband is unless I had known the opposite first hand.  I never take John for granted and I can honestly look back on my first marriage and finally be glad I experienced it because it was a small price to pay for the life I'm enjoying now.