Holiday Traditions

For the last couple of years John and I have tried to start some holiday traditions.  Strangely, both of us came together with only one or two family traditions to pass down to our boys.  Aside from Santa, there are very few things John and I do with our boys that remind us of our own childhood Christmases.  For John the big thing has always been to put the presents on the couch.  Personally, I'm a presents-under-the-tree kind of girl, but having the boys come out of their rooms on Christmas morning and seeing a pile of gifts on the sofa makes John really happy, so, that's what we do.  This year Santa will start leaving notes to the boys along with their gifts, something Santa always did for me.  And, that's pretty much it. 

Seeing the Salt Lake LDS temple lights was something I usually got around to most years, sometimes with my mom and dad, sometimes with my grandma, more often with friends.  There was a year here and a year there when I would have a holiday choir concert at a local mall or we'd have family over for Christmas or I was in a Christmas pageant at whatever church I was attending at the time...One of my fondest holiday memories was the little puppet show my mother made with puff balls that was put on to the poem "The Night Before Christmas", in particular I remember the moon with the boobs ("...the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow...") and the one little beleaguered reindeer puppet attached to a sleigh overflowing with a morbidly obese Santa with tags hanging off of him with all the other reindeer names.  I think my mother made that with my half-sister Krissie when I was smaller, I think it came out for a few years, but it is long since lost.

So, we're making our own traditions.  Decorating begins the day after Thanksgiving (much to my chagrin...not a decoration fan. I dont' like clutter, it makes me twitchy.) and the boys put up their tiny little tree with their handmade ornaments.  Right now that's the only tree we have because our place is too small for a bigger one.  The stockings go up over the fireplace and throughout the season the boys get to make art projects and hang them all over the walls (who knows how long they'll want to do this, but right now, they LOVE it.)

 

This year for the first time we watched the parades on TV and we went to see zoo lights, which will definately become a tradition, it was awesome. 

Zoo Lights

John joined us for the Beaverton Christmas tree lighting ceremony which was WAY better than last year when I took the boys by myself. We saw the Christmas Ship Parade on the Willamette (this year we saw it at the end of their route in Lake Oswego which turned out WAY better than last year when we went up to Vancouver to see it at the beginning of the route.) This week we'll go to the Portland International Raceway to see the Winter Wonderland lights which was a huge hit with the boys last year. Not sure if it was the lights or the fact that we were driving on a REAL! LIVE! RACETRACK!

Seeing Santa at the Beaverton City Tree Lighting Ceremony

Beaverton Tree Lighting Ceremony

Christmas Ship Parade

I am fortunate enough to have a group of wonderful friends here and this was the second year that we've had a kid's gift exchange and party.  This year we had Santa come and it was brain exlodingly awesome for the kids who like Santa (Alex), and kind of torturous for the kids who don't (Max).  The same group of friends ditched our husbands and kids for the afternoon yesterday for the second annual white elephant gift exchange and booze fest.  In years past John and I attended eBay's holiday party together which was always fun, but his current company doesn't do a party.  I'm hoping next year John and I can find time and money to go out and do something just the two of us.

I'd love to go to the Festival of Lights at The Grotto, but John's not too interested.  I also hope to take the boys to Peacock Lane this year, but if we don't make it, maybe next.

Last year we went to Utah early in December to see family and exchange presents, this year we'll be going after Christmas until the new year.  While I prefer to go before the holiday, this year's plan will likely become the tradition because John always takes the last week of the year off work and that coincides with Alex's winter break.

 I'm getting less grinchy about the holidays as the years go by and as I watch my boys get excited about the things they remembered from last year, it's impossible not to feel the holiday spirit.

Then and Now

John and I started on a diet (or as John insists a "Lifestyle") the first of October.  We've both lost weight, but he's been wildly more successful than I have.  I suppose my post-baby body just doesn't lose weight the way it used to.  Anyhow, he's recently gone out to our storage unit and brought in several boxes of his skinny clothes  In one of those boxes was my favorite sweater of his. 

I remember this sweater well.  I remember he came over to pick me up for a date, only, John and I didn't really "date" we "hung out" so I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and he came to my door wearing this sweater, nice pants and smelling like he'd put cologne on, which he'd never done.  We were in between "dating" and "relationship" at the time.  It was such an odd thing for him to be all dressed up to come see me that I took a picture:

Today he put on the sweater for the first time since that day

I think he's WAY hotter now in that sweater than he was then!

Good Stuff

A couple of weeks ago John changed his work schedule.  He used to work 2pm-11pm (but he'd actually leave for work at noon and come home well after midnight), now he is working 5am-2pm (but he's getting home closer to 3 or 4 most days).  This has changed everything about our family life.  With his old schedule he'd get up at 10am, eat breakfast and get ready for work then leave.  We hardly ever saw him.  Now we see him every night, for several hours!  We eat dinner together, we watch TV in the evenings, John reads bedtime stories to the boys by the fire, we get some couple time after the boys go to bed...It's like a whole new life.  After two years of hardly seeing each other during the week, we appreciate these "normal" evenings so much more.

I'd been pushing John to look into changing his schedule because next year Alex will be going to school all day and Alex would only get to see his dad on the weekends.  This opportunity came up and John was unsure of it at first because of the early start time, but it turns out to be perfect.  Even if he works late (as he often does), he's still home in time for dinner. 

***

Alex brought home his first ever report card yesterday and we couldn't be more proud.  He's meeting all of the academic expectations even exceeding a few.  The best and most informative part of the report card were the teacher's comments:

Alex is a pleasure to work with.  He is very affectionate and caring.  He loves to create and make things.  He has a little trouble with transitions.  He doesn't want to quit a project he's working on when it is time to move on to another activity.  He also needs to work on solving problems in a positive way instead of outbursts.  I compliment him on trying to do his best.  This trimester we have worked on letter and letter sound recognition, identifying beginning, ending and middle sounds of words, blending syllables, listening for rhyming words, alliteration and "robust" vocabulary words.  Alex has been successful in working on these skills.  He reads 11 high frequency words.  He should continue to practice blending sounds together to sound out new words as he practices reading at home.  his handwriting is progressing as he gains more skill through practice.  I am pleased with the progress he has made and look forward to watching his skills grow and grow.

In math, he does what is asked and tries his best. He understands the concept of patterning.  He counts to 39 by 1s. He should practice counting to 100 by 10s and then 1s.  He needs to practice writing numbers to 20.  He knows math facts up to 5.  Our goal for the end of the year is to know math facts to 6.  He needs to learn his address, phone number and birthday.

He is doing a good job on his homework. He has completed 7 out of 7 homework assignments.  During our group time, he is attentive, participates, raises his hand and does what is asked.  He gets along well with the other children. He seems to enjoy his association with his classmates.  He is cooperative and helpful. He is a great member of our class.

Outbursts and trouble transitioning have been issues since his first year of preschool and is something we try to work on with him.  He is much better than he was last year, and I'm sure that he'll continue to get better as he gets older.  Also I'm positive he knows his birthday, he must not have been paying attention when she was asking him, because if there is one thing Alex knows, it is September 25th.  Maybe not the year though.  We'll work on that. 

The way she describes what he's like in class makes me glow with pride.  I volunteer in his classroom every month and I see how he is in class, but it's great to know that's really what he's like everyday and he's not just on his best behavior because Mom's here today.  Kindergarten has been great for Alex, he's happy, he's learning, he's growing and gaining valuable social skills.  Seems he's started his school career on the right foot, I hope we can keep up this momentum for the next 12 years!

***

Also in Alex news, he has a girlfriend, Zoe, who makes him little projects that he brings home every day. 

Zoe drew a picture of the two of them holding hands.

 ***

Poor Max doesn't have much going on these days.  He won't start preschool until next fall, so he gets to just hang out with me in the afternoons while Big Brother is in school.  We've been walking to the park on nice days and it's been very fun to spend some one on one time with my baby.

***

Life has just been really good lately.  Our finances are still in the toilet, but because everything else is going so well, it's kind of just an afterthought.  We're working on making it better, but not stressing out about it at all.  For the first time in my life I really feel like I'm living in the moment.  Enjoying life right now.  It's a big deal for me, I've always been so focused on making a plan for the future, I've often missed out on everything happening in the present.  What are my goals for 2012?  I don't know.  I don't much care.  I think I'll just go play hide and seek with my boys and not worry about it.

Thanksgiving Recap

This year John had to work on Thanksgiving, so we had our big meal the Sunday before, which was awesome.  Since John and I are following the Paleo diet, we had a sugar-free, grain-free, dairy-free, low-glycemic-index meal.

Roasted rosemary and thyme sweet potatoes, garlic creamed spinach (with tofu and mayo), beef, apple and walnut stuffed acorn squash, crock pot turkey and gravy.

I was really worried about making this meal because I don't cook, and have never, ever made a Thanksgiving dinner out of food that didn't come out of boxes and cans.  So, it was kind of a big deal for me to produce a meal that was not only edible, but conformed to our diet. 

Pumpkin stuffed bacon (stole the idea from Fussy.org) I cheated a little with a pinch of brownsugar on the tops of these. It was worth it, these were AWESOME!

As nervous as I was, the family declared it a great meal and we had a wonderful day. 

Alex and Max went a little crazy decorating for Thanksgiving.

The leftovers fed us all week and the best part for me was on Thanksgiving day I was able to relax and NOT cook.  Ahhhh :)

Halloween 2011

Halloween is Alex's favorite holiday by far.  He looks forward to it all year and once his birthday is over, he goes into Halloween overdrive. (Max would like me to mention that he likes Halloween, but it's not his favorite holiday, Christmas is). 

This year Alex dressed up as a ghost and Max as Blue Batman.  They looked great and were both very happy with their costumes.

(for trick or treating we ended up putting Alex in his old karate uniform so he was all white underneath his ghost costume.  And warmer.  Max got to wear a pair of feetie jammies underneath his bat suit and he has a blue sweatshirt he wore under his cape when he got cold.)

We were busy this year with Halloween celebrations and these costumes got a lot of wear.  So much wear I was really starting to worry that Alex's ghost costume wouldn't hold up by the actual day.  Every time we went somewhere pieces were falling off.  I was hand washing Max's batman costume every night to get chocolate and paint and mud off of it.

Final total was five parties, a scavenger hunt at the zoo and last night's trick or treating.  The boys got so much candy and little Halloween toys I have no idea what we're going to do with it all!

Ink

I'm pretty sure John was the only male, perhaps the only HUMAN in the greater Portland area without a tattoo.  Until today:

He's been talking about getting a tattoo for years.  Back when we were still living in Utah even.  A couple of months ago, just as Alex was starting school, John had him write his name on a piece of paper intending to have that tattooed on his arm.  And it sat on our desk until this afternoon when he took it into a tattoo shop and had it permanently inked on his arm.  When Max turns five, he plans to have his name put on his left
 arm in Max's handwriting.

(the blue line around it is just from the transfer paper, it will wash off.  The ALEX won't)

I LOVE this.  I love it so much!  My own dad had my name tattooed on his shoulder and it always made me feel happy and special to see it there.  John has gone a step further by having Alex actually design the tattoo.  It isn't just the word 'ALEX', it's a snapshot of this time, when Alex just started writing, started school and made the transition from baby to boy.  I love it so much I'm tempted to do something similar myself!

Smaller

We started using our fireplace this fall, after 2 years living in this apartment, cursing the fireplace and it's uselessness and bemoaning the huge chunk of space it takes up in our tiny living room, and one day I looked at it and thought, huh, maybe we should USE it.  Even though we've always had a fireplace, we haven't used one since Alex was a tiny baby (when I nearly burned the house down).  We had 2 beautiful fireplaces in our old house and never used either one.

We didn't even bother bringing a fireplace screen or tools with us when we moved here, even though we had 2 sets, I don't know if we just didn't remember we had a fireplace or what, but we had to re-buy them a couple of weeks ago.  I'm kinda glad though, the screen we ended up with is very pretty and very sturdy and opens up in the front so we can get into the fireplace without having to move the whole thing.  I LOVE it and the best part was we picked it up at the Goodwill along with a set of fireplace tools for a fraction of what they would have cost new!

A nice warm fire crackling in the fireplace gives our apartment a much cozier feel nd makes me ridiculously happy.  Until recently I've treated this apartment as our temporary housing until we could move into a bigger place, but lately we've finally been settling in and feeling more and more at home here. It's strange that it took me two full years to feel like this apartment was home, I suppose selling the Utah house (2 years and 17 days after we left it) had a lot to do with it. It aso took that long to get used to living smaller.  Moving from 3000 sqft to 1000 sqft meant we had to give up a lot of our stuff and utilize every square inch of our apartment. We live in every inch of our home, no corner is wasted.  The old house had tons of space we didn't use, whole empty closets and rooms we never went in.  What a waste.

Also helping to increase the liveability of our home we got rid of our huge corner couch and replaced it with a small sofa (with hideabed - instant guest room!), chair and ottoman (another Goodwill find, $60 for both sofa and chair! The ottoman we bought new for $50).

We rented a tiny little storage unit and were able to clear out a lot of stuff we don't need easy access to and that freed up some space in both of our closets allowing me to put the boy's dressers in their closet giving them more space for toys and playing.  

Going through our closets also prompted us to get rid of more stuff we dragged up here and didn't need.  I thought we did a great job of purging uneeded/unnecessary stuff when we left Utah, but we'd still been holding on to so much stuff we'll never need or use again. When space is at a premium, suddenly all that stuff is less valuable than the space it can free up.

We're not just downsizing our living space though, when we moved here we only had the one car, the Dilliermobile, our beloved minivan.  But a few months after we moved I had to get a job and with both of us working, one car wasn't cutting it, so we bought a used VW Jetta.  Well I'm not working anymore and it turns out we can get around just fine in the little Jetta and don't need all the space in the minivan, so the Dilliermobile is probably going to go too.

Smaller.  Everything is getting smaller, closer, tighter, more manageable. Learning how to give up conveinience, cool new stuff, getting less, spending less, having less, doing less even.  We may have been forced into this small and frugal life, but the longer we live this way, the more I like it. The more I realize how the things I do have are wonderful.  The more I appreciate every little thing I have.  Two years ago a fire in the fireplace wouldn't have given me nearly the amount of joy it does today. 

Human cloning

I ask John if it weirds him out at all to look at Max and see a 3 year old version of himself. 

He says "I don't see it. I don't think he looks much like me"

...Are you BLIND????

This kid couldn't be more Dillier!  It's as if John simply cloned himself, my DNA was tossed aside.

School Boy

That boy right there, yeah he's my son. My six year old Kindergartener.

What a handsome little boy we have.  Or, "medium boy" as Alex likes to refer to himself because Max is a "little boy" and Dad is a "big boy".

He's not just a pretty face either, he's smart and talented.  Our first parent / teacher conference was yesterday and we met with his teacher about how he's doing so far in school.  He's doing fantastic actually.  He started school with a good understanding of the alphabet (sounds and letter recognition), some writing, and reading skills, numbers and math and he's been able to expand on that with leaps and bounds in the few weeks he's been in school.  He loves doing the work, he loves his teacher, and the other students, school has been a very positive experience for him so far. 

The teacher commented that he is very good with scissors and coloring, which is to be expected because he's been an avid cutter and colorer for years now.  She says he's the best in the class and one of his cutting projects (circles) was nearly as good as her example project.  Naturally we're bragging about it every chance we get :)

She said that when she asked him who his friends were, he said Addie and Robert.  Addie is a little girl, and Alex has always been quite the ladies man, so I was not surprised.  Robert is a little boy with Downs Syndrome in his class.  His teacher said that when kids like Alex are kind and friendly to Robert, it helps him to adjust and makes school a better experience.  Alex talks about Robert a lot, says he doesn't or can't talk, has trouble writing etc.  I am proud that Alex has been able to befriend someone different from himself.  He notices the differences between them but rather than be afraid of them he has chosen to focus on the fact that they are both little boys and they are both 6 years old and they are both in Kindergarten and they both like cars.  I know this is easier for little kids, and as he gets older it might be harder to see past differences in his peers.  For now though, people are just people, everyone is different and the same and everyone is worthy of kindness.  I hope he will continue to think this way...forever.

Starting school has proven to be just as exciting as when he was a baby.  New experiences almost every day, new milestones and so many things to look forward to.  In fact, this age might even be funner than when he was a baby because back then only John and I got to keep the memories.  His first smile, his first words, his first steps, his first poop on Daddy...  Now he's making memories for himself too. 

Happy (Late) Birthday Alex!

 
 
Alex turned six on September 25th, but Typepad and IE were not getting along and I was having trouble posting about it.  They seem to be on a truce right now, so I can FINALLY wish my first boy an offical Blog Happy Birthday.  Since this blog is basically his baby book, it must be done.

 

 Alex started begging for a birthday party in the Spring, he didn't get a birthday party when he turned 5 because we didn't really know many people here yet and with John and I both working it just seemed impossible to plan a party on a day when both John and I would be home.  But this year Alex has made a lot of new friends and had been invited to a lot of parties and there was just no way we were going to avoid it, kid wanted (and deserved) a birthday bash.

He immediately decided he had to have a Hot Wheels theme, but the artist in him didn't want to buy Hot Wheels stuff, he wanted to make it himself.  So he set about designing his invitation, and with some help from me, we came up with this:

 

We held his party at a local pizza parlor that has a big play area inside, we invited all of his local friends (he was very quick to correct me when I told him we invited all of his friends because Lily, Kennan and Caden were in Utah and couldn't come) and almost all of them showed up! We had about 16 kids and an equal number of parents and took over the restaurant. 

It was great and laid back.  The kids played their hearts out in the play area while the parents hung out and watched them through the big windows. We had pizza and sodas and juice boxes for the kids (ignoring the restaurant policy to not bring outside food).

 

I'd made cupcakes for everyone with the number 6 and terribly drawn cars out of icing, but at the last minute that morning Alex decided he REALLY needed a Hot Wheels cake, so with my left over batter I made him a wee little cake:

 

 

 

 

 

Then there were the presents.  He made out like a bandit.  So many cool toys and art supplies!  He loved each and every one of this gifts, and many of the presents have been unexpected fun for the whole family.

 

According to Alex, the most important part of any party is the goodie bags.  Sadly I forgot to take pictures of the ones we handed out, but Alex meticulously picked out the stuff to put inside and we found some really cool goodie boxes at a party store that looked like tool boxes with Hot Wheels cars on them.

Alex was thrilled with the party, it was exactly what he wanted, lots of friends, lots of cake, lots of pepperoni pizza, lots of playing, lots of presents and really cool goodie bags.

I love you my Alex Boy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Alex started Kindergarten!

He's really loving it so far, he's excited to go every day. For me the transition from being the mother of a toddler/preschooler to school-aged child has been a little more difficult. It feels a bit unreal. Whenever I go to his school I have to remind myself I'm going as a PARENT not the kid.

10 Years Ago

10 years ago today I was all set to meet John for the first time. We had been emailing/chatting with each other for the last week or so and we had made a date to meet that evening.

At the time I was living with my dad because he was going through aggressive cancer treatments and needed someone to help him. I'd gotten off work early that day because we had an offsite "team building" activity, so I was home when Dad came back from the doctor that afternoon with news that the doctor was discontinuing his treatments and had told my dad to prepare to die. He estimated he had 3 more months to live. The hospice nurse would come by the house that evening to talk with us.

Even though my dad had been diagnosed with cancer several years before, Multiple Myeloma and Melanoma, I hadn't ever given much thought to the fact that he was going to die. I mean, he couldn't. This was my DAD, and I needed him. This news that we weren't going to be fighting the cancer anymore, we were just going to let it take him, shocked me.



I called John to tell him that I couldn't make it, that I was sorry, but something came up and we would have to reschedule our meeting. I'm sure he thought I was chickening out. I was reluctant to plan another meeting because I really didn't know what was going to happen.

We met with the nurse that evening. She told us she would be sending over a hospital bed for the living room, there would be a pastor coming by to talk to us (this was some kind of requirement with the hospice that both Dad and I, being athiests, felt was silly). We made calls to family, my sisters and grandmother would be arriving from California and Kansas soon to say their goodbyes...It was a pretty hellish day.

Later, unable to sleep, I got on the computer and no sooner had I logged in (on dial-up!) than I got a message from John who was also online. He asked me why I cancelled our meeting, I told him about my dad and how rotten I was feeling. He said he'd still really like to meet me if I wanted to tonight. It was 10:00 at night by then. I thought about my options. Sit at home wallowing in my misery or go meet someone and take my mind off of it for a while. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop located half way between our homes in a half-hour.

I didn't do much to get ready to meet him. My eyes and face were red and puffy from crying and beyond help. I just put on clean clothes and left. I took my dad's car because it had a panic button on the key fob, and I figured if this John guy who wants to meet me late at night decides to be a creep I could push the panic button and the car's alarm would go off and scare him away, or maybe attract some big strong dudes to come to my resuce and beat him up.

When I got there, John was waiting for me, sitting on a bench in the front of the coffee shop. If ever there was a guy who was "my type" it is John. I remember that day he was wearing glasses. He also had a full beard. He was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip flops. Despite having had a monumentally shitty day and feeling like I'd been through the emotional ringer, when I saw John, my heart did a little flip flop.

We had coffee and talked until September. I'm sure I looked terrible, and I wasn't really talking about typical "first date" fluff. I talked about my dad, and my divorce and my job. We talked about religion (he was a recovering Mormon) and his school (he was still finishig up his BA), eventually we talked about movies and he mentioned that I should watch Clerks. That if he thought I'd agree, he'd invite me back to his place to watch it. I didn't agree right away. We probably talked for another half hour or so before I looked at him and decided all of a sudden, with complete disregard for any common sense, that yes, I did want to go to his place and watch a Kevin Smith movie.

I followed him back to his place in my car, all the while thinking I must be insane. No one knew where I was or who I was with. What if this guy murdered me and buried my body in his backyard? Somehow I just didn't believe that John was the murdering type. And I suppose part of it was I really wanted to go somewhere other than home. Home where I'd have to watch my dad die. I really wanted to watch a funny movie with a cute guy and not think of my real life for a while.

So we did. We watched Clerks on his couch and John didn't so much as hold my hand. He loaned me a blanket to cuddle up in and we sat next to each other and by the end of the movie, I was pretty much ready to have him make a move. But he didn't. Not one. I left his house both thankful for the diversion and a little confused as to whether or not he liked me. Because honestly, it wouldn't have been too hard for him to take advantage of me that day. But, he didn't.

Over the next couple of weeks John and I started seeing each other more and more, I'd make sure someone could stay with my dad and I'd spend a night or a weekend with John. We watched news coverage of the 9/11 attacks together. He met my family when he came to pick me up for a date. We'd stay awake talking until the sun came up. And even though he was supposed to just be a diversion, a fling, and escape from what was going on in my life, we were beginning to care very much for each other.

On the morning of September 24th 2001, my dad died. The night before was rough, he'd been up and in pain and we had to call he nurse to bring morphine. Before he fell asleep I told him I loved him and I was proud to be his daughter. When I left for work the next morning, he was sleeping and his breathing was odd. As soon as I got to the office I began making preparations to take time off of work. I got a call from my mom saying she thought I should come home. I raced home, but when I walked up the steps and my mother and the social worker were on the porch. "He's gone isn't he?" I asked. They nodded. My mom hugged me. I waited a while to see him. I didn't want to look at him when he wasn't there. Eventually I went in. Everyone left me alone with him. I held his hand and it was still warm.

Waiting for the mortuary to pick him up, I called John. I didn't know what to do. I just needed to talk to someone else who wasn't grieving. I told him my dad died, and I know this wasn't part of our "agreement" but I needed to talk to someone. He just said "I'm coming over". He was at my side in 15 minutes. My dad's body was still in the living room.

John stayed with me that night. He held me while I cried and said all the right things when I told him how much I hated the thought of death being the end. He stayed with me every night for the next 4 nights.

The rest of our courtship happened quickly, but naturally. We fell crazy in love, we moved in together, we got married. I got pregnant and had a miscarraige. I got pregnant again and Alex was born September 25, 2005, four years and one day after my dad died. We gave him the middle name Richard for my father. 10 years later, Alex is about to start Kindergarten. And he's an artist, like my dad. Our family was complete when we had Max.



The loss of my dad and the beginning of my relationship with John are so twisted up together that I have a hard time separating them. Beng such an emotional wreck allowed me to trust John in ways I wouldn't have trusted anyone otherwise. John treated me with such kindness and care during that time, even though he'd just met me. He was exactly the person I needed in my life at that time. And before long he was the person I need and want in my life always.

I love you John Dillier. Thank you for being my husband, everything that title means and more.

On Tuesday I was complaining to one of my friends durng a playdate that Max just WOULD NOT give up diapers. That I was sure there was no way he'd be potty trained any time soon and we'd be lucky to have him in underpants by next year when he starts preschool.

By Thursday, Max was potty trained.

I have no idea what happend, but during that playdate Max came to me twice asking to use the potty. He was playing on the slip'n'slide with his friends, wearing a swim suit, I was having this conversation out of easrshot inside the house. And of his own accord he decided to come in and ask to use the potty instead of just letting it go outside (which is what I expected him to do).

We went home and I put him in underpants and he did great. Wednesday I put him in underpants when he woke up and he only had 2 accidents the whole day, and those 2 accidents were when we were away from home. Thursday he had no accidents at all and had stopped even telling me he had to pee, he just went in the bathroom and took care of buisness on his own. We went on a few errands and he stayed dry the whole time.

I'm just completely shocked! He just decided, well, I'm a big boy now, better not wear diapers anymore, and just like that, there's no baby left. This same kid argued with me on Monday with big fat tears running down his cheeks that he NEEDED diapers, he was a LITTLE BOY! Who'd have known just a few days later he'd grow up so fast?

I am super proud of him. I did nothing to facilitate this. It was all him. All I did was give him time to decide on his own that it was time and trust him when he said he didn't need diapers anymore.

GREAT JOB MAXIE!

Big Boy, Overreacting

I bought Alex some new shoes yesterday. Size 1. In BOY sizes, not toddler sizes. It took a while to figure this out, we were trying on shoe after shoe after shoe and they were all too small. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why we couldn't find a shoe big enough. 13s were too small, where were the 14s? Oh, hey Mom, there ARE no 14s! You have to go to the OTHER section. To the BOYS section. This was disappointing to both of us. To me because this is just one more sign that my baby, he's a growin' up. To Alex because he can't get those cool Lightening McQueen shoes he wanted so bad. Also disappointing to John because boy shoes cost twice as much as toddler shoes. AND they aren't nearly as cute. "Cute" is not a factor in designing boy shoes and I guess I'm just too old these days to recognize "cool" as it applies to the 6-12 set.

This shoe shopping trip was just one of the many outings we've been making over the last week preparing for Alex to start Kindergarten. We bought school supplies and a backpack and now shoes, next we'll be getting a couple of new school outfits and a haircut then, in theory anyway, he'll be ready to start school. I'm phrasing this wrong, HE's ready to start school, I am not ready for him to. I guess it's not surprising that Alex getting ready to start school is a bit hard on me. I've got all these conflicting feelings about it. Of course I'm excited for him to embark on this new part of his life, and he is over the moon excited to start Kindergarten, he talks about it non-stop. But he's still my innocent little boy. MY boy. And it feel sorta like this is the end of that. He's not really mine anymore. I'm sending him out into the world to learn and discover who he is. And yes, I do realize this is a bit dramatic seeing as how he'll be in school fewer hours than he was in preschool last year, but it just feels like such a huge monumental milestone that is going to change everything.

Preschool was always voluntary, optional. He could go or not go, we could pull him out if it wasn't working, of if we thought it would be fun to do something else for a while, it's was just school practice, he was still...a baby, really. Kindergarten is the beginning of his real, no-shit, school career. What if it's too hard? What if it's too easy? What if he has trouble making friends? What if he makes friends with kids I don't like? What if he turns into the kind of kid I don't like? What if...I'm not the most important person in his life anymore? I think that's what it is. Becoming a big boy means distancing himself from his mommy. Maybe that won't happen this year, but it is inevitable and it's already breaking my heart and IT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET!

I'm kinda known for my overreacting, and it's a good thing I married John who barely reacts at all to things because it helps to keep me sane. Only John has left on a business trip to Ireland until the end of the month, which also happens to be the last three weeks before Alex starts school and there is no one here to tell me I'm overreacting, so I just keep on overreacting!

I try to ask myself, what would John say to me? Well, he'd probably ignore me for a while until I've really worked myself into a froth about the whole thing. Then he'd roll his eyes at me and say I'm acting like a crazy person. Then he'd tell me that he's not going to talk to me until I calm down. Then, eventually, he'll hug me and tell me that everything will be ok. Just like I freaked out in the weeks before Alex was born; What will it be like to have a baby? Will I be a good mom? Will he like me? Will our marraige change? We figured things out and life is even better now than it was before. We'll navigate these changes too.

Act of Kindness

Yesterday John and I took the boys to McDonald's in Hillsboro. They were going crazy at home, wrestling and running around and I was sure someone was going to end up with a nasty head wound if they kept it up. Despite the fact that there are about a dozen or more McD's between here and Hillsboro, the one out there has a cool outdoor playland (The boys call it "treehouse McDonalds") and I felt like they were too wild to be indoors, even at a McD's playplace. Also, the outdoors one doesn't smell like wet diapers.

Max hadn't had a nap. We're kind of in napping purgatory right now with Max. In between needing a daily nap and giving up a daily nap for good. He can go go go until about 5pm, at which point he passes out for several hours, waking just in time to have missed dinner and fuckup bedtime, but it's nearly impossible for him to go to sleep for a nap any sooner. Yesterday he'd fallen asleep in the car a few times, but only for 10 min or so, and it was 7PM. He was tired. And for Max, tired=grumpy and a grumpy Max, well, let's just say that there is a reason I call Max The Hulk.

He perked up when he got his Happy Meal. Chicken nuggets, apple slices and chocolate milk seemed to renew his energy and when we were done with dinner we took the boys outside to play. They were playing so well that John left us to browse at FYE and I got out my Kindle to read, but soon Max said he needed to poop, so I called Alex down from the treehouse, but by the time Alex came to me Max had disappeared up into the treehouse again. Then Alex said he had to poop, so I called Max down again, gathered up all our crap and the three of us schlepped back into the resturaunt to potty. Taking two young boys to a public restroom for a tandem poop is never fun, and this time was no exception. I don't know why my kids insist of narrating their bowel movements. I don't mind so much at home, but when in a public restroom, I wish they didn't say things like "WOW! That one made a big splash!" and "arrrgh! This poop is taking a long long time to come out of my butt!" or "My butt made a poop bubble!".

Back outside the kids resumed their play, but soon got into trouble. My kids, never content to just play the way the equipment was intedned, had shimmied their way inside of a piece of the playground equipment meant for balls. it's hard to describe, but imagine Max and Alex inside a Plinko game. Seriously kids, WHY? I left them there for a while, figuring, they got in, they can get out, but then the other kids at the playground started banging on the plastic screen that the boys were trapped behind. The other kids were just being kids, but the hard plastic screen, when banged on, was smacking my boys in the face, and, being trapped in a Plinko game, they couldn't really move to get away from the smacking. Alex shimmied his way out, but Max was pissed. He wasn't scared, or physically hurt really, just MAD. So he started screaming and crying. So I went over and told the other kids to go away while Max got out. He didn't want to. He wanted to scream about the atrocities that had happened to him and how his feelings were hurt! I finally coaxed him out, gave him a snuggle and suggested that maybe, had he not gone into the Plinko game to begin with, his nose wouldn't have gotten bopped by the screen. He agreed that he wouldn't go in there again, so I left him to play and went back to my table. No sooner had I sat down than Max launched his happy meal toy (a hard plastic Papa Smurf) at one of the kids who had been banging on the screen. Thankfully he didn't hit her, but he'd earned himself a timeout for the attempt.

Tired and with a bruised ego, Max did not go to timeout willingly. He fought. And bit. And struggled. And went boneless. And went rigid. And flailed. And hit. And basically acted like a rabid wolverine.

Max is a kid who is perfectly capbable of tantruming for HOURS, escalating until I'm sure the Earth will crack apart from the intensity of his anger. Under different conditions, I'd have thrown him in the car and we'd have left. But we were trapped. We'd driven a long way just to come here. Alex was being a perfect angel playing happily with the other kids and didn't deserve to leave just because his brother was pitching an epic shit-fit. Not only that, but John had left, taking the keys to the Dilliermobile with him. I couldn't call him to come back because I needed all of my arms and legs to hold on to Max, preventing him from running amok Tazmanian Devil style and bring down the entire playland.

It was at this moment, I was completely frazzled, trapped, sweaty, and desperately trying to keep my hold on a wild, biting, thrashing feral animal of a child that a woman gently touched my arm, and said "I just wanted to tell you I think you're a great mom"

I looked at her for a moment, then looked down at my screaming child, and figured she was surely being facetious. The last thing I appeared to be was a "great mom" at that moment. I said to her, while putting Max in a headlock and grabbing his hand that was smacking my face "Are you serious? Because I'm a little too busy for a mom-fight right now"

She smiled at me, very kindly. "I'm absolutely serious. Most parents would give up, just let their kid go and run around crazy and wild and get away with acting like a brat, but you're not letting him get away with it. I admire that and I think you are a really good mom."

I almost cried.

When I was feeling the most defeated, helpless and like a completely crappy mom (in fact, Max was screaming as much to me), another woman, a mom who clearly has been in my very position before, made a point to tell me that I was doing just fine.

Max calmed down after a while and I did let him go back to play, and as we were getting ready to leave, that same woman came back over to us and said again "Really, I want you to know I think you did great."

"Thank you." I told her.

So often moms watch each other and judge. "She's not doing it right". "I wouldn't do it that way". "No wonder her kids are so bratty if that's what she calls discipline"...It was wonderful and refreshing for someone to see another mom struggling, and instead of judging, offer words of encouragement. Thank you McDonald's-Playplace-in-Hillsboro-Lady. Thank you so much.

Hippiefication

I've started cooking recently, which is big news from someone who's always considered making Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese from the box cooking. It started with bread. I have a friend who told me how she made all her own bread, so I made it my mission to make an edible loaf of honey wheat bread. Admittedly, my first few attempts at actual cooking were more along the lines of Harto than Martha, but after five loaves and LOTS of advice from friends, I succeeded! I couldn't believe it. I went into my kitchen, mixed a bunch of stuff together and ended up with food! YUMMY food!

Since then I started making all kinds of stuff I usually buy. Pizza, cinnamon rolls, brownies, pasta sauces, tortillas, pancakes... sometimes I was successful (brownies!), sometimes I wasn't (tortillas), but it felt oddly satisfying to take these raw ingredients and make them into something my family would try to eat. For the last 3 weeks I've been cooking all of our meals from scratch (with the exception of John's jambalaya that comes from a boxed mix that he loves and doesn't want me messing around with). I've been surprised to find that I'm spending LESS at the grocery store just buying ingredients and my family is eating BETTER than we ever have.

This cooking thing fits in nicely with this underlying shift I've been feeling for a while now. I don't know if it's living in Oregon or frustration with my own health or my desperation to make sure my kids are healthy...I don't know, but I've been slowly moving in a...hippieish...direction as of late. I've recently tossed out the medicated ointments I'd been using for YEARS on Alex's skin in favor of coconut oil with, for me anyway, completely unexpected results. For the last six months Alex's skin has been nearly consumed with eczema breakouts of unknown origin. We'd been treating his skin aggressively with various medicated ointments, steroids, antibiotics, etc... I'd see results, then stop the treatment (most treatments you can only use for 2 weeks at a time because they are so strong) and it would come right back. Frustrated and feeling helpless to help my poor little boy's relentless itching and skin infections, I decided to try coconut oil, having read about it on AndreAnna's blog. It took a while, but it cleared Alex up AND I can use as much of it as I want for as long as I want because it's natural (it's also good in homemade bread!). He still has some patches on his chin and around his nose and mouth that are stubborn, but since I've been using coconut oil, they aren't getting infected and aren't getting worse. They're just dry patches. It's a goddamn miracle!

This coconut oil thing really just blew me away. If the hippies were right about this, what else are they right about??? I watched Food Inc. and Ingrediets and vowed to go to the Farmer's Market every week for all of my produce needs. I've vowed to HAVE produce needs in the future (we aren't really known for our consumption of fruits and veggies). The boys and I grew some dill and basil in little pots on our patio and I am planning to convert their old red wagon into a little herb garden. I told John I wanted to try to make my own laundry detergent, to which he said "You sound like a Pioneer". I decided against making my own soaps (though I have a friend who makes soap and I'm excited to try a batch of his coconut/avocado oil blend soon!) and ordered some hygiene and cleaning products from Melaleuca.

I'm not really a hippie, not by Portland standards anyway. But I am beginning to open my eyes and see the benefit of whole foods, natural products and in general being aware of where things come from.

Different

- Alex hated breastfeeding, resorted to pumping after a few weeks and finally quit all together at 9 months.
- Max exclusively breastfed for 6 months, continued for over a year. Would still nurse now if I'd let him! (I don't)

- Alex slept through the night at 8 weeks old and continues to give me no trouble during bedtime and even sleeps in most days.
- We're still waiting for Max to sleep through the night.

- Max usually comes into my room in the wee hours of morning. Usually around 4 or 5 o'clock. He snuggles in bed with me for about an hour before he starts poking me "is it time to get up?" When I agree, he gives me a squeeze, tells me I'm "the best Mommy i ever had!" and leaps out of bed and begins zooming around the apartment.
- Alex staggers out of bed, usually about 2-3 hours after Max and I have gotten up. He'll give me a groggy hug and collapse on the couch with his blankie. It's about another hour before he's really up and going. I'm glad he'll be in afternoon Kindergarten this year, because I don't know how we'd make it to school on time in the morning!

- Alex is the pickiest eater ever. I am surprised he has survived this long on nothing but Gogurt and Apple juice.
- Max will eat anything.

- Alex would rather sit and make art projects all day long than do anything else.
- Max wants to RUN! and JUMP! Preferably both at the same time, off of things much taller than himself. He was BORN for parkour!

- Alex will throw tantrums, but is easily distracted by deals and bribery.
- Max can (an often does) throw a tantrum for upwards of THREE HOURS. His tantrums can not be stopped or quieted or bargained with. Once the tantrum train has started, you just have to wait it out.

- Alex insists that he is a BIG BOY.
- Max insists that he is a LITTLE BOY and sometimes even says he's the baby.

- Max is obsessed with trains, cars and blocks. Preferably trains and cars that ARE blocks (Lego anyone?). He plays with his toys.
- Alex is obsessed with collecting stuff. He doesn't care what the stuff is, he just wants it. Preferably MIB (Mint in box). He won't play with his toys, he just organizes them in boxes and baskets and bags. He'd display them all if he could without little brother grabbing them and playing with them. (This behavior reminds me of his Daddy, seeing as how we can't use our closets because they are full of BOXES OF STAR WARS TOYS!)

- Alex wants to make things and put things together.
- Max wants to break things and take things apart (there is a reason we refer to him as "THE DESTRUCTOR!")

- At the park Alex goes up to new kids and asks them to be his friend. He doesn't really play with them until he gets confirmation that "Yes, I will be your friend"
- Max doesn't need confirmation. He just goes up to kids and says "You're my new friend! CHASE ME!"

- Alex is afraid of bugs.
- Max thinks bugs are totally cool and loves to try to catch them.

I never knew that two brothers so close in age could be so different. I love this. I love that they have such unique personalities. They're both so weird and wonderful, and even though they often make me pull at my hair in frustration, I am enjoying being the mom of these two.

News From The Trenches

July has been consumed by the war I've waged on fleas. Yes, fleas. AGAIN! Grrr! We don't even have the dog anymore. Fancy has been living her new and wonderful flea-free life for nearly a year back in Utah with John's sister. No, this time, the fleas appeared on our cat. Our ancient, indoor-only cat. The same cat that did NOT get fleas when the dog had fleas, yet somehow has managed to not only get fleas while living an exclusively indoor lifestyle, she's also managed to drop flea eggs and larve ALL OVER OUR APARTMENT! BLEH! I'll tell you, the only thing worse than a flea infested dog is a flea infested cat. WAY worse.

With the dog, we gave her a flea treatment, cleaned the apartment real well and never saw a flea again until now. This time, it's been an all out battle for over a month. The cat's been getting baths twice a week, we've bought flea powder, flea spray, the cat got a medicated flea treatment, we rented a steam cleaner and cleaned the carpets and the sofa, I've washed every blanket, sheet and pillow we own...but still the fleas, THEY SURVIVE!

We think the fleas infiltrated our home by way of a friendly stray cat the boys and I met at the park. Normally stray cats are frightened and don't approach strangers, but clearly the fleas here in Portland have developed kitty mind control, making the cat not only approachable, but aggressive in it's desire to be played with by small children. Purring and playing and looking soft, fluffy and irresistable. I can only imagine that the fleas immediately began launching egg-grenades at us, which we then brought home like flea-egg loaded mules. They then hatched and began their invasion.

We didn't really notice it at first. The cat cleans herself all the time, so her extra licking and a bit of scratching went undetected long enough for those little fuckers to establish a strong presence in our apartment. Soon Max began getting weird little bumps here and there. But ONLY Max. Then we went to Seattle for the weekend, and when we got back there were tufts of cat fur EVERYWHERE! Clearly Kitty had suffered through a major battle with the fleas while we were out of town and fought them the only way she knew how, scratching big chunks of hair off of her body! Poor kitty. I began cleaning the fur up, and as I wiped down surfaces, along with big tufts of hair, I was noticing little flea bodies, little flea larve, some alive, some dead.

I then proceeded to freak the hell out. Which, I think is really the ONLY acceptable reaction to finding your home infested by little blood sucking insects. John's reaction was to tell me I was overreacting. That jumping up and down itching my skin and hair raw and screeching "FLEAS! OHMYGODWEHAVEFLEAS OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!" was uneccessary. That they're, "just little bugs, the world is full of little bugs we live with all the time."

This was the only time I've questioned our marraige. As I stood there, pulling my hair out and refusing to sit on our sofa (flea infested) and hopping from foot to foot (because the CARPET HAD FLEAS!!!), I was looking at a man relaxing on our couch in nothing but his boxers who had apparently decided to sign a peace treaty with these evil creatures and wanted to attempt to live in peace with them. "WHO ARE YOU? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I screamed at him, "THEY ARE EATING US!!!" Then I ran out of the apartment and spent an hour at Target buying every single flea control product they had.

When I got back, John and I agreed to disagree about the approrpiate reaction to the problem (he's clearly wrong though) and our marraige was saved by joining forces and fighting back. John agreed to launch a massive attack on our carpets and sofa with a steam cleaner while I scrubbed a screaming, yowling, biting, scratching Kitty in our bathtub.

We thought we'd won, but really the war had only just begun. More flea troops hatched and over the last few weeks we've been fighting battle after battle. I think we're weakening them though. I see fewer and fewer larve and fleas when I clean, and they're always dead. But the war is not over until I wipe a surface and see none.

The John and Max Weekend Extravaganza

John turned 34 on Friday, Max turned 3 on Saturday and Father's day was on Sunday. Joe and Jen (John's dad and step mom) came up to visit on Thursday to help us celebrate and much fun was had.

Joe took John out for a round of golf for his birthday, John hasn't gone golfing since we moved and was nervous that he'd be terrible. I understand that he was terrible, but he had a nice time anyway. How could he not really, Oregon put on its best weather on Friday and the course looks like it was very nice (They went to Red Tail Golf Course which happens to be right next to Target and more importantly Dutch Bros so I've spent a lot of time looking at the golf course while waiting for my Annihilator). While the boys were out on the links, Jen and I took the little boys to the zoo. I'd let our membership expire last fall without renewing and have missed it, so we renewed, Jen bought the boys zoo keys and lanyards, and we spent the afternoon wandering around. The polar bear even put on a good show for us, playing in the water with one of his toys.

We metup at our apartment and Joe was really wanting to go to the coast so we packed up and headed to Cannon Beach. Admittedly, I wasn't crazy about this idea, usually I'm the first one to want to go to the coast, but with a long drive ahead of me on Saturday (to Hood River to see Thomas), I was nervous about driving to the coast and back Friday evening. Turns out I was dead wrong. Taking Joe and Jen to Cannon Beach was the perfect cap to an already great day. The weather was great and the tide was low which made for a great time for Alex and Joe to run on the beach (Joe has declared Alex to be the next great athelete, those long legs make him fast!), and Max collected pretty much every single shell on the beach. We did some tidepooling at Haystack Rock, but didn't see too many critters. Found some fish, crabs, snails and anemones, but I think the tidepooling is better at Arcadia.

Those last two photos were taken by Jen.

The evening was capped off by a fantastic meal at the Wayfarer, which at first glace I thought would never be good enough to justify the prices, but actually managed to EXCEED my expectations. With the exception of the oysters which were just so-so, everyone's meal was amazing.

We woke up the next morning with a three year old and plans for a Day Out With Thomas at Mount Hood Railroad. I thought Mount Hood Railroad would be, you know, at Mt Hood, but in fact, it was in Hood River. Hood River turned out to be an adorable little town that I'd have liked to spend some time exploring (I do plan to go back to Fruit Loop), but we had a date with Thomas, so we spent several hours watching the boys jump in bounce houses, play with toys and then took a ride on Thomas himself!

Last one taken by Jen. THANK YOU!

Joe and Jen headed off to The Dalles and Multnomah Falls, while John, the boys and I headed home to have Max open his presents and have cake.

Father's day was comparatively uneventful. We took Joe and Jen to breakfast before they went to catch their flight back home, then John went to spend the gift cards he got for his birthday. The boys gave him the little present they made for him (a picture of the three of them glued to a CD and they made a little salt dough stand for it that says "DAD") and the boys and I spent the rest of the day being nice to John, letting him sit around in his boxers playing video games and basically letting him relax.

It was a pretty kick ass weekend all around I think.

Rain, Lessons, Buzzcuts

It's been rainy and dreary around these parts lately. Spring is the rainiest time of the year, but this year it's been so relentless with the rainy and dreariness that even I, who LOVES rain and cloudy skies, have had enough of it. We've done our best to make do:

On nice days we spent every single second outdoors:

 

But The Dillier Family is ready for Summer!

So this weekend, after checking the weather forecast, we headed out to the coast.

Sadly, despite the forecast calling for sun, it was overcast, but we didn't mind, the tide was low and there were lots of tide pool creatures to check out.

While poking around Max managed to fall into a deep tide pool. He didn't make a sound no splashing, no screaming... just slipped in, which is what is really scary. We were all together, the kids not more than 5 feet behind us, John and I turned away from them for not more than 30 seconds to look at a rock and Alex says "Uh, Max is in the water." John and I turn around and Max is in the water up to his ears, bobbing around in the tidepool with a look of pure terror on his face. John scooped him out and I whisked him back to the car for a cuddle and some dry clothes.

I still can't believe he made no noise. He could have easily drowned and not made a sound! We didn't hear him fall in, he didn't say anything, there wasn't any splashing, he was RIGHT behind us, the boys NEVER wander around the tidepools unattended, yet still, Max fell in. Thankfully (Thanks to Alex for speaking up right away!) he was scooped out, dried and warmed up quickly and is none the worse for his adventure, but I am definately going to keep an even closer eye on that slipperly little dude!

Our daytrip to the coast didn't last long, after we ate our picnic lunch, the boys and I went looking for shells and it started getting really misty, then it started getting rainy, so we packed up camp and left for Tillamook for cheese and icecream.



The factory was running and we watched them package cheese for a while, then went down to the samples. I was giving Max samples, when suddenly he starting making a gagging noise and was choking on a piece of cheese! Kid had some sort of deathwish on Saturday! He was easily able to hack in out though, but it came out along with a spray of vomit covering him, me and the floor. Once I got everything cleaned up he asked "Can I have some ice cream now?"

After we all ate our ice cream cones with no choking, vomiting, or any other unpleasant experiences, we headed home. We had a good time despite the mishaps though. A nice day together, learned a few valuable lessons, and enjoyed the amazing Oregon scenery. To cap the day off we gave the boys their summer buzzcuts, something I'd been wanting to do to Alex's mop for months now.