Soap Box

Let's get one thing straight. You are not a better mom than me.  By the same token, by no means do I think I am a better mom than you.  Newsflash:  PARENTHOOD IS NOT A CONTEST!

Admittedly, I have a lot of pet peeves, but none irk me more than the "Mommy Wars" and Sanctimommies.

I hate that I can't talk about breastfeeding or natural childbirth or my decision to be a stay at home mom without feeling like I have to qualify any discussion with "But I'm not one of those CRAZY people who think that whatever you choose is bad"  Because I don't. 

Here's a little not-so-secret: I didn't plan to birth Max with no pain medication.  I was completely non-committal about it, and took it contraction by contraction.  I'd had a bad experience with the epidural with my first birth and frankly, my desire to not do it again overpowered the pain of the contractions.  In fact, until I hit 8 cm, I really hadn't realized what I was about to do was birth a baby without pain relief.  It was all about putting off that epidural until I needed it.  By 8 cm, when I needed it, it was too late.

Was I brave? I don't know.  You could argue that I was being wimpy about my fear of another epidural.  John called me a bad ass and told me how proud of me he was.  Did that make me feel like a rock star?  HELL YEA!  Did he tell me the exact same thing when Alex was born?  Yea.  Does it even matter now?  Not really.  Do I think you too should not have an epidural?  Not necessarily.  For me, labor is fairly easy to manage until it suddenly isn't anymore around 8 cm.  For some women, the first contraction is unbearable.  All labors are different.  You do what you feel is right for you.

I breastfed both of my children for what I consider an extended period of time.  Alex for 9 months, Max for nearly 13 months.  I've written about my breastfeeding experiences here before.  Do I think formula is bad?  HELL NO!  Do I think I'm better than you because I breastfed?  HELL NO!  I did what I wanted to do for my children.  I wanted the experience of breastfeeding.  So much so that I pushed to too much with my first child when it wasn't working out and ended up having a bad experience.  Am I glad I tried it again with Max?  Yes, absolutely.  Do I think everyone should breastfeed?  No, if you don't want to, you certainly don't have too.  I do think there are benefits to breastfeeding, I won't lie, but I don't think any less of a woman who can't breastfeed or doesn't even want to try it.  It is a personal decision.

When my first son was about to turn one, I quit my full time career to be home full time with him.  I never, ever expected to do that.  The fact is, I was burnt out, stressed out and stuggling to balance my new family life with my old life as a career woman.  In the end, my husband and I decided that what was best for OUR family was for me to stay home with the kids, at least for the first few years of their lives.  To tell you the truth, I believe this decision has saved our marraige.  It wasn't bad, but it was certainly being strained.  We now live your typical 1950's style life.  The type of life I always said I didn't want, but that in practice, works for us.  Am I glad to have this time with my kids?  Yes.  Do I miss my job anyway?  Yes.  Do I think less of you if you have to, or simply choose to still work outside the home?  Of course not!

There are lots of other things that I have done or currently do that run along very heated opinion lines.  I cloth diapered my youngest son for 6 months until I got sick of it and quit.  I didn't have either of my boys circumcised.  I used a leash for Alex in public/busy places (amusement parks, airports, etc) until he learned to listen and stick close to me and fully intend to do so with Max.  I used a baby sling for both of my children and basically wore them for 6 months of their lives.  Max co-slept with us for 9 months in our bed.  I drive a minivan.  I only go out without my kids, maybe once a month, and while I'm gone, I miss them.  I can't help it.  This is getting better though.  I am raising my boys without religion until they are old enough to think freely and decide what they believe on their own (I will support them in whatever they choose). My kids eat junk food sometimes.  We watch a lot of PBS.  And, GASP! We also watch TV that isn't educational, like SpongeBob and SpeedRacer.

I have a very strict "I won't judge you if you don't judge me" policy.  I can assure you that I put a lot of thought into everything I do that affects my children.  I bet you do too.  I am constantly trying to make my children's lives happy and full.  I bet you do too.  I am trying as best I can to teach my children how to live healthy active lives.  I bet you do too.  My goal and reason for having children in the first place is to raise happy, healthy, social and productive people to help create an even better society in the future.  I bet you have a similar goal.

If we just do the best we can to raise our children, even if we all do it differently, I have no doubt that all of our kids will grow up to be just fine. 

/SoapBox

Afternoon nap

He's been playing with his big brother.  He's go go going so fast these days I can hardly keep up anymore.  But now, after a crying fit indicating he's tired and ready for his nap, he's slowed.  Cuddled up in my arms like a baby again.

He's beautiful. From the sticky little hands, one clutching his bottle, the other holding his much loved, and currently very stinky blankie up to his cheek, to his nose leaking slimy boogers and the dried yogurt in his hair.  He's a grubby little angel in my arms.

His brother yells from the playroom "Is Baby Bro-yer asleep? I want you to play Super Trucks with me!"

This one too, is amazing, from his skinned up knobbly knees to his dirt crusted fingernails.  He's wearing a t-shirt and Spider Man underpants.  He knows when Baby Brother goes down for his nap, he gets one on one time with me.  When it's just him and me, there is no whining, no tantruming, just playing Super Trucks or building train tracks or watching cartoons and eating fruit gummies.  There's tickle wars and bug hunting and flying Super Alex around in the air.

Being a mom, their mom, has been a wild rollecoaster ride for me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I love EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND.

Happiness is...

A great deal of my happiness seems to depend on other people's bowel movements and sleep and eating habits. 

After "FlowerFest 2009" (the term "Flowers" in leiu of "Diarrhea" has been shamelessly stollen from AndreAnna) in which one or the other and sometimes both of my children had Flowers from February to the end of June, it now appears that everyone is now regular. THANK GOODNESS!

Max is now drinking whole cow's milk.  He was officially weaned and hasn't had any boob for 2 weeks.  My boobs are finally done making milk and have shiveled up.  You'd think having done such a bang up job feeding my children, they'd be a little happier about it, but they are looking mighty sad indeed.  I don't remember the girls feeling so empty and droopy after weaning Alex.  In fact, I remember feeling that I got lucky that they didn't appear to change much from my pre-child days.  This time, not so much.  I now have breasts that very much look as though they've fed two children for almost two years.  I suspect it's because Max really had his way with them.  He nursed every two hours (day AND night) for nearly 13 months.  Apparently that will change things.  I am already formulating plans to have them fixed.  I'm not even embarassed about this.  I see it as repair work.  Ideally I wouldn't want to have implants, I would hope I've got enough tissue left to just put them back where they belong.  Even if I have to loose a cup size or two (that sound you heard was my husband weeping at the loss of a cup size).  I want to loose weight first and maintain my goal weight for at least a year before I do anything.  Really that's the only way I can remain optimistic about the state of my boobs.  Thinking that I can someday have them fixed.

Alex is still on an eating streak.  In fact last night he ate two personal sized frozen cheese pizzas!  Overall, his eating habits have gotten better. Basically he's eating like a normal 3 1/2 year old and he's starting to look like a normal 3 1/2 year old now instead of a skeleton.

The sleep situation at our house seems to be getting better and better every day.  Since Max's tubes were put in, he immediately stopped getting up all through the night and settled for a nightly routine of getting up once at 2AM.  Depending on who got up with him seemed to determine how the 2AM wake up would go.  If it's John, he'd wimper a little, John would rub his back and he'd fall asleep until 6.  If it was me, he'd scream and scream and claw at my shirt for boob and scream some more for about an hour, sometimes longer, then he'd go back to sleep until 6.  Even though this was better than the every 2 hour routine, it was still sucking the life out of me.  So yesterday I put a new plan into action.  I allowed him to take his normal mid-morning nap and then kept him up until bedtime at 8:00.  He's always taken a late afternoon nap, and was very, VERY grumpy for the few hours he'd normally be napping, but we got through it with the help of a swim diaper and backyard sprinkler fun.  He fell asleep easily at 8:30 and we didn't hear a peep out of him until 6:30 this morning!  I'm trying not to feel overconfident about this.  It could very well have been a fluke, but we'll do it again today and hope for the best.

As for Alex, he's going to bed around 8 or 8:30 (depending on what's going on that evening, if we have guests or if we're out, I let him stay up an extra 30 min), he gets a bath, I'll read a book of his choice, hugs, kisses and he's to stay in his bed.  Some days he'll fight and cry that he doesn't want to go to bed, but once he's in bed, he's really good about staying there.  He's usually out in 5-10 minutes.  This new 8:00 bedtime has changed our lives.  We usually get the baby to sleep shortly after Alex is in bed and John and I have all this time to ourselves! Let the debauchery begin! Debauchery of course being watching Star Trek Enterprise on DVD.

All in all, things are going pretty well these days.

The Synchronized Swimming Dilliers

MOV00751
Originally uploaded by mrsjwd9

Walker

I can't seem to get used to this yet:

Click here if you can't see the video

Milestones

Alex can write his name!

 

I admit, I did have to tell him the letters to write, but he wrote them all by himself!

Max has some exciting milestones as well.  John officially declared him a Toddler!  In our house, John has decided that he has to verify all claims I make about our children as he believes I am prone to exaggeration.  Max's primary mode of transportation now is bipedal.  He does prefer to have a hand on something to steady himself, but he is capable of at least 10 unassisted, unsupported steps. So, that means, HE CAN WALK!!!

Also, since the tubes were put in, I believe we're already seeing more language development.  Max now says the follwoing words:

Mama
Dada
Da (for dog)
Ababa (for bottle)
Bobbat (for boobie)
Ass (for Alex, which is unfortunate)
Ball (His favorite word and his favorite toy)

What the hell was that??

So if you follow me on Facebook, you'll know that Max got sick on Monday.  Nothing too scary, just a low fever.  But the fever got worse on Tuesday (104!) so I took him in to the KidsCare (after hours clinic) and the doctor seemed really concerned that he had this high fever with no other symptoms.  Apparently the more symptoms you have, the less scary a temp is?  Anyhow, they sent him to the hospital next door and had them draw blood (had to poke his arm and wrist), then he came back to the KidsCare where they put a catheder in him (Awful. It was AWFUL watching that while holding my screaming baby down. AWFUL) and took a urine sample.  The thought was that he could have a blood infection or UTI. 

The preliminary test results we got back on Tuesday night suggested he did not have a UTI, but may have a bacterial blood infection (MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD!), so they gave him an antibiotic injection in his leg (he was none too pleased about getting poked YET AGAIN) and we were told to come back in 24 hours.

Well yesterday he seemed fine, no fever, with the exception of waking up from an afternoon nap at 102, which came right down with Motrin.  By the time I took him back to the clinic, he was fine.  The 24 hour culture they'd done on his blood was negative, dr said it was an 80% chance it will stay negative. Phew.  He did the second antibiotic injection, just in case, and I was told to call back tomorrow night (tonight) to check on the 48 hour results of the blood culture. If it is still negative, there's a 90% chance it will stay negative and the doctor won't give him the third shot.

So, on one hand I'm glad it's not sepsis, because MY GOD!  But on the other, I put my child through all kinds of torture and had him shot up with more powerful antibiotics for...what now?  A possible virus.

Anyhow, so last night Max was hard to put to bed, which isn't unusual. This boy doesn't really like going to bed.  I finally got him down around 11, but just as I was going to bed myself he woke up screaming. Screaming and freaking the hell right out.  I picked him up from his crib and he wouldn't look at me, he was just screaming and wiggling around and he didn't want to be held, but he didn't want to be put down and he looked either terrified or in horrible pain, I just couldn't tell. 

After a while of this, maybe 10 min or so, I yelled to John to come out and help because I was freaked out and thinking he was having a seizure or something.  We both tried to comfort him to no avail.  It didn't really seem seizure-ish, other than the fact that he didn't seem to be acknowledging John or I at all.  We started to talk about taking him to the ER (and by "talk" I mean, me saying "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! SHOULD WE GO TO THE ER? MYGODMYGODMYGOD!") 

We agreed we'd take him in, but when I stood up to hand the screaming baby to John so I could get dressed to take him, I froze.  Just froze standing there. The ER was at Alta View. The hospital that almost killed him the day after he was born.  I'd be taking him to the regular ER where they had lots and lots of scary medications they could easily overdose him on.  Suddenly the ER seemd more dangerous to me than keeping him at home. I became convinced that if we took him to the ER, they would surely kill him.  No way. No way was I taking him.  John said he would and went to get dressed.  But when he came back, he was nervous because he knew they'd ask him all kinds of questions about the most recent trips to the doctor and what he'd been injected with and he was sure he wouldn't know how to answer them.  By then I was of no help because I was having some sort of mental/emotional breakdown about my poor baby is either terrified or in pain or seizing and I'm irrationally scared of taking him to the hospital because of something a completely different department of the hospital had done to him over a year ago.

He was breathing fine.  He wasn't bleeding.  He didn't seem to be in any immediate danger.  We decided to wait it out.  And it lasted, oh, maybe 45 min.  It was awful.  But once it was over, he was back to being normal. A little grouchy, but even that's normal for him at night.  I got him to sleep finally close to 2 and I slept in his room with him.  He did fine the rest of the night.

So, what the HELL was that?  Was it related to his virus?  Teething? His ear tubes?  Was it a seizure?  Was it Night Terrors? I tell you, this child is knocking days, weeks, off my life.  I'm excited to be able to say all is well with Max and start writing more about my Awesome Alex, who, sadly, doesn't get nearly the attention he needs or deserves what with his brother hogging the spotlight by being freaking SICK ALL THE TIME!

New! With extra gas!

Him:  BRRRRRRRRRRRT

Me:  "Honey, you STINK!"

Him:  "I know, I don't know what's going on"

Me:  "It's probably my fault. I must have accidentally bought the beans with extra gas for the chili"

Him:  "Why did you buy differnt beans? I like the regular beans you use for chili"

Me:  "Honey, I didn't buy different beans. I'm kidding.  They don't have beans 'New, now with extra gas!' anyway"

Him:  "oh"