PHM - September challenge

So, after my sick day, I weighed in yesterday and rejoiced at seeing that I was now down 13 pounds!  YAY ME!  Then I weighed in this morning and it seems I'd already gained the water weight back from having been sick and I'm still down 10 pounds.  Oh well.  I was really happy for a whole day, and that was nice.

But seeing that new number on the scale, that number that was only seven pounds away from my pre-Max weight, gave me new motivation.  I've decided to challenge myself in September to loose 10 pounds.  The real challenge is the fact that at the end of September we're going on our first family vacation as a family of four, and I have never in my life stayed on a diet while on vacation.  So, it might not work out so well, but doggone it, I'm gonna try!  If all goes well, I will be returning from San Diego at my pre-Max weight. 

I'm going to try to do a weekly check-in to report on my progress.  My plan is to go to the gym four days a week at a minimum (my goal is to do 45 minutes of cardio and a little bit of strength training) and lower my calorie intake a bit (Max is definately not starving to death on my current diet, I think I can start working with a lower calorie diet now) The challenge begins tomorrow!  Wish me luck!

Not a political blog

I am just going to do this one post, because I can't seem to stop myself.

Sarah Palin, McCain's VP choice. 

I am not at all happy with this.

As someone who voted for Hillary in the Primary, I am offended that McCain seems to think that choosing a running mate with a vagina will lure me and other vagina-owning Hillary supporters his way.

Part of me is all "WOO HOO! YOU GO GIRL!".  For the record, I was always going to vote Obama/Biden, but how awesome would it be to see a woman in the whitehouse? 

I'm just sad that I'm not able to get behind this one.  I am concerned about her inexperience, to quote an article I read recently "a first-term governor of a state with more reindeer than people", and while McCain does have experience coming out of his ancient hairy ears, I can't seem to be ok with the fact that this woman could be one elderly heartbeat away from the presidency.  IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR.  AND RECESSION.  GAH!  Not to mention the fact that I'm socially liberal and she is very, VERY conservative.  So, bummer.  I'm all for the history making move of the GOP choosing a female VP candidate, I just wish they'd have chosen one that I could have felt good voting for.

Yesterday

I had all kinds of big plans for yesterday.  Wednesday was wonderful.  Just me and Max spending some one on one mama baby bonding (and napping!) time together. It was downright relaxing.  I was excited to get my big boy back though, even though he's a handful, my days just don't feel right when he's not around.  I had big plans.  I'd swap kids with my mom and take Alex to the gym.  I'd work out, then we'd go to the park before picking Max up.  Then I'd take him to McDonald's for a Star Wars Happy Meal and he could play in the play place.  Then we'd come home, watch a movie, play cars... It would be a great day!

Well, it was not to be.  At 2AM Thursday morning I started feeling nauseous.  The baby happened to be awake, so I nursed him, and immediately felt like I had throw up.  Like now!  I put the baby down and ran to the bathroom and proceeded to puke my guts out.  I continued to throw up every 10 minutes or so until 5 o'clock in the evening.  Needless to say, Alex and I didn't get our fun day.

My mom came over with Alex in the morning and tried to watch both the boys for me while I tried to sleep, but between puking and Max refusing to take a bottle, it didn't really work out well.  I was also concerned about Alex catching my stomach bug, so eventually I sent Alex back to my mom's and I kept Max because he was very angry at just the sight of a bottle.  I figured I'd do better to just keep him and nurse him.  The problem was, not just that I was sick, but since I was throwing up so much I was dehydrated and it was really affecting my milk supply, so the baby was angry with me most of the night.  Even though he wasn't getting much milk from me, the little stinker STILL wouldn't take a bottle.  I don't get that at all because he takes bottles from John all the time.

By evening I'd stopped throwing up and the problem had migrated south, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.  It still sucked, but was definately preferable to throwing up all night.  Max and I watched the DNC, John called to tell us goodnight, and Max and I went to bed.  By Max's 2AM feeding this morning I was feeling much better.  We finally got out of bed around 7AM, I ate an omlette and I feel 100% again. 

Alex just called from my mom's house and said "Hi Mommy!  I'm packing my suitcase!"  He was ready to come home.  I'm expecting him any minute.  I'm not sure I'm up for a "super fun day" yet, but I'll be glad to get my big boy hug this morning anyway.  We'll find something to do.  Maybe I'll strip him naked and let him play with paint outside.  We'll see.  I'm just glad this stomach bug is gone, and hopeful the boys don't catch it!

Alone again

John's out of town on business again, and this time, no tears were to be had.  Just a simple, "See ya Friday!" and a kiss.  Guess last time's sob fest was more about post partum blues than gooey sentimentality and missing my husband.  Oh well.

Since John's out of town the next three days and I'm parenting solo, I thought I'd go ahead and take a half day off today.  Half day in that I sent half my kids to Grandmas house and I only have the baby until tomorrow morning.  Alex was thrilled to be going to Grandma Babs' house "with the puppies!".  She's going to take him to see Kung Fu Panda this afternoon.  He'll have a ball.

Having just the baby really feels like a break.  Babies are EASY!  He eats, he poops, then eats and poops... He can be fussy, but it's infinately easier to deal with his fussing when I'm not also trying to take care of Alex.  Besides, with Max, my boobs are the answer to almost any problem.  Hungry?  Boob.  Tired?  Boob.  Scared?  Boob.  Just plain cranky?  Boob.  Worried about the economy?  Boob. 

So, today I'm just going to lounge around my house topless, which if I were better looking would be great for our neighbors who have a direct view into our living room.  Since PHM is still in the early stages, I suspect they'll be diverting their eyes and blacking out their windows.  Tomorow I'm going to give the gym another try, and maybe afterwards take the boys somewhere fun, then hopefully get Alex to go to bed early so I can watch Obama's speech at the DNC.  If the gym is successful tomorrow, I'll give it another go on Friday and maybe we'll go to a petting zoo before we have to pick Daddy up at the airport. 

Since John's new job will be requiring quite a bit more travel than we're used to, I'm glad I'm not feeling that "OH GOD, Don't leave me alone with them!" panic attack anymore.  Since the boys and I managed just fine while John was gone a few weeks ago, I know we'll do just fine this time, and every time he'll have to go (which will probably be about once a month or so).  I think it just goes to show I'm getting more comfortable as a mom of two these days. 

I have a dream

I have a dream, that one day I might be able to have two consecutive hours alone a few days per week.  I don't want much, really.  Nothing extravagant.  I just want two hours in which I can exercise and take a shower, and maybe, just maybe, blow dry my hair without someone screaming at me, requiring a poopy diaper change or constantly asking "Mommy, where's your pee pee?  Your pee pee is GONE!  OH NO!"  In fact, I don't even need two hours.  Just one measly hour would do.  That's all I ask.

I had a plan today.  A brilliant plan.  I would drop John off at work, and since I drive right by my mom's house coming home, I'd drop the baby off there then I'd take Alex to the gym with me and let him play in the daycare while I worked out then took a shower in the locker room. It was brilliant!  BRILLIANT!  BRILLIANT!  My mom could have some bonding time with Max, Alex could play with new kids and new toys and I could exercise then take a blissful child free shower alone (well, alone with about a dozen naked old ladies.  Seriously, why are the old ladies always naked in the locker room?  It doesn't really bother me, but I find it odd that the younger people are covered up with towles while the old people are running around in the buff.  Better to air out the wrinkles I suppose.) Everyone would be happy. 

The plan in action didn't turn out so brilliant.  Max was up nursing all night long (thank you growth spurt) so I could only pump about two ounces to take to my mom's house (luckily I have some frozen already).  When we got to the gym Alex wouldn't potty, he was too excited to play with the new toys, so I left him in the daycare KNOWING he'd poop while I was trying to exercise and the daycare doesn't change diapers.  Sure enough, 40 minutes into my workout a daycare worker came and tapped me on the shoulder "Are you Alex's mom?"  "Yes, did he poop?" I asked.  "Yes, and it's starting to leak out his pants"   Great.  So I rushed into the daycare to find my son had pooped the biggest, runniest, smelliest, most disgusting poop I'd ever seen.  I changed him, but I hadn't thought to bring him extra pants and since he'd gotten poop on his pants, even though I washed it off in the sink, he couldn't play in the daycare anymore.  Alex was devastated.  I was sweaty, stinky and bummed that my dreams of a long lonely shower with my travel size shampoo in the locker room were crushed.

I decided to leave the baby at my mom's and take Alex home, since now, we both really needed a shower.  We got cleaned up and went to pick up baby brother.  We're going to try again tomorrow.  This time I'm packing extra pants for him and I'm going to take him to the locker room to potty instead of having him try to potty in the daycare restroom.  That way, maybe he won't be in such a rush to go play.  I'm not giving up on this brilliant plan.  If we can get Alex's bowels to cooperate, I can feel my two hours of alone time are within my reach!

Fire

The boys and I have spent all day in the house because of the fire on the mountain (Corner Canyon, just a few miles from our house).  The air is so smoky I felt it best to keep the kids inside. 

John called me this afternoon saying "Uh, is our house on fire?"  From his office it looks like the smoke is coming from right where we live, it's that close!  He was right to worry, I do have a history of almost burning the house down (see this post from my old blog).

Two friends of mine live up there and their families were just evacuated from their homes.  I'm watching the news and checking my email constantly for news.  I hope they get it under control soon!

Lagoon Day

family, originally uploaded by Jmelee.

We went to Lagoon today for John's work's summer party. We weren't sure if it would be fun or not what with a wild Alex and a crabby baby and neither of us being able to go on any "Big Kid" rides, but we ended up having a great time!

We spent six hours letting Alex go on every single ride in Kiddieland. Alex had a blast and to our surprise, John and I had a great time too! There were a couple of rides we were able to go on with Alex and the rest of the time watching him waving at us from the rides was just as much fun.

It was strange for me, taking my son to a place I used to go to as a child. Lagoon has changed since I'd been there last, not just the new rides, but the experience of Lagoon is so different as a parent. I don't know how to describe it other than it made me feel really grown up. I suppose there's nothing quite like the reality check of being the person waving to the kid on the ride rather than being the kid on the ride.

Click here to see the Flickr set

PHM - mini update

I've really been slacking on the eating part of my diet, but I'm doing ok on the exercise part.  The scale showed I actually gained a pound (so I'm down 9 instead of 10 now), but strangely, I'm now fitting into my old fat clothes that I couldn't even button two weeks ago.  So, um, yay??

On one hand, I'm thrilled I'm finally fitting into clothes without an elastic waistband again, on the other hand, they're my fat clothes, so I've got to get moving and into a smaller size already!

Also, in other news, I went out to buy myself some less ugly panties now that mine are starting to get saggy in the rear, and why has no one told me about the "boy style" panties before?  COMFY!!! Still cotton (not silky) and not all that sexy, but definately cuter than my old grannie panties I've been wearing since my pregnancy.  Not like John cares.  He's more of a "sure they're cute, now take them off already" kind of a guy. 

Wordle

I think it's pretty interesting that "potty" is by far the most prominent word. 

http://wordle.net/

Dr visit

Max had his two month checkup today.  First the awesome news:  his EEG from last Friday came back showing normal brain function both awake and asleep!  This is great news!  This means that we can finally put the whole thing behind us and move forward enjoying our healthy, normal baby.  I'm expecting a call from the neurology department soon for a more in depth analysis of the results, but I'm expecting them to tell me that we don't need to come back for more tests.  YAY!

Mitzi pronounced Max a healthy, happy and ridiculously cute baby today.  Also, noted that he'll likely be built a bit different than Alex based on his current measurements:

Weight:    12.79 lbs   73%
Length:    23.43 in    66%

Alex's measurements at two months were:

Weight:    11lb 7oz    35%
Length:    24 in          84%

So it looks like we've got a tall skinny basketball star (Alex) and a "big boned" linebacker of average height (Max).  I am LOVING all the rolls and Buddha belly on Max because Alex has always been shaped like a popsicle stick (though personally, I think his little boy knobby knees are adorable, particularly when covered in mud and bandaids).  Though I'm finding I have to remember to wash in all the creases.  Alex didn't have creases.  With Max I have to unfold all the rolls on his legs and arms to make sure he gets clean.

One thing the boys do have in common is eczema, sadly.  Max definately has sensitive skin and has had a couple of little breakouts on his chest and shoulders that I've been able to keep contained with 1% hydrocortizone.  I have to admit that even though I know better, I've still been using the yummy smelling baby soap and lotion on him.  Mitzi told me to stop it.  I know I should, and I will, but it will make me sad. I guess I'll just use the baby lotion on myself to counteract the spoiled milk smell cloud that usually follows me around.

Max had his immunizations today.  Three shots and the oral vaccine for rotavirus.  He handled them well.  He was annoyed with the oral vaccine (didn't like the taste), started getting mad with the first shot, crying with the second shot and by the third shot he was crying so hard he was purple in the face and not making any sound.  Nursing him calmed him right down and he's now napping.  I'm hoping he doesn't get feverish like Alex always did after his vaccinations.  We'll probably be hanging out at home today, just in case.  Just as well because Alex is a booger factory today.

Better

I'm feeling much better today.  John stayed home from work yesterday (not because of me, but because we had a dr appointment at Primary for Max), and it was nice to have some help with the kids.  Seriously, I don't know what I complained about before I had two kids.  Now days, having only one child to deal with at a time feels like a vacation.  I also got to go to the gym for an hour without any kids in tow, which was practically a spa vacation, even though I spent it on the elliptical machine.  Max has been so fussy lately, I haven't felt like I could leave him to go to the gym.  Yesterday I did anyway and it was simply delightful.

Speaking of Max, even though he's been really fussy, how can I have a bad day when I get to see this smiling face?

Even though we put Alex back in Pull Ups, he managed to get to the potty on time to have no poo poo accidents.  We still had many a pee pee accident, but thankfully Pull Ups can handle the biblical flood coming from my son's bladder. 

John also took me and the boys to lunch at Sweet Tomatoes, and though Alex did end up having a tantrum ("I WANT ICE CREAM!" screams the child who hates ice cream) it was still a nice outing.  Then we stopped by the mall and while John stayed in the parking lot with the baby, I took Alex in to throw some pennies in the fountain and go on a couple of coin rides.

After our appointment up at Primary, during which we learned nothing we didn't already know since they hadn't had a neurologist read the newest EEG test results yet, John went and sold our Dodge Stratus at Carmax.  We'd been thinking about going to one car for a while now since I don't work and John works five minutes away from home, so yesterday, we bit the bullet and got rid of the car.  We pretty much gave the car away, but seeing as how I only paid $4000 for it nearly seven years ago, we felt any money was a plus.  What we'll be saving in maintenance, registration and insurance is worth it for us. 

Today has also been pretty good so far.  After the boys and I dropped John off at work, we came home, went for a walk, chatted with neighbors and all three of us had breakfast (Alex ate a pretty healthy breakfast of peanut butter on a whole wheat bun, some cheese and a cup of applesauce, I had a ham and cheese omlet and Max had a double boobie milk buffet).  Alex has even peed and pooped in the potty this morning.  We seem to be on track for a nice day.

I think, when I get overwhelmed and feeling rotten, I just need to slow down, get some help with the kids and take a little time for myself.  I feel like a whole new Mommy today.

All this because of fifteen pairs of underpants

Fifteen.  That's how many pairs of big boy underpants we went through yesterday between the hours of 9am and 6pm.  FIFTEEN!  I still don't even understand how he could make so much urine.  Apparently, peeing on the floor, couch, his mom... is the funnest thing ever.  By the time we got to the twelfth pair of underpants, I was loosing steam.  I called John and told him he had to come home, I was going crazy, and could not be held resposnible for what I might do if I got even one more drop of pee on me. (I was already covered in four different kinds of bodily fluids and hadn't had a spare second to hose myself off)  He came home and Alex peed and pooped through three more pairs of underpants in one hour, DESPITE having been taken to the potty twice. 

John and I argued back and forth about whether or not we should a) keep going with the underpants and b) keep going with potty training at all.  John's feelings were Alex wasn't ready and I was just making us all miserable (and stinky) pushing the issue.  My feelings were that Alex is ready, but just being a turd about it and if we quit he wins, and may never get potty trained.  In the end, we agreed to slow down, put him back in pull ups and continue taking him to the potty at regular intervals (first thing when he wakes, before and after meals, before and after outings and before bed).  Defeated, I put him in a Pull Up and went out to get some chocolate ice cream (EMOTIONAL EATER!).

The thing is, I feel like a failure.  I'm a stay at home mom.  This is all I do, but I seem to be failing miserably.  I have a child who won't eat healthy food, misbehaves, bites, hits, throws tantrums and thinks the floor is a perfectly acceptable place to relieve himself.  My house is a mess, and I'm a terrible cook.  I'm fat and most days I smell like regurgitated breast milk.  I can't seem to find the time to take a shower every day.  I'm lucky if I get one every other day and when I do, I don't even bother doing my hair or put on makeup.  I live in sweatpants.  My underwear are ugly.  It's not like I'm not trying.  I put everything I have into trying to raise my boys and be a good wife, but apparently this is a job that is too much for me.  People with half my IQ can raise respectful, potty trained kids and not have to wonder how many days they've been wearing the same bra.  Why is this so hard for me?  I'm smart, I've been good at everything I've ever set out to do.  Why does this have to be my weak point?

I've done the research.  I can't even count how many parenting books I've read, I have subscriptions to parenting magazines, I read parenting websites.  I talk to my friends and try to solicit advice.  But still, I fail. 

My family is the most important thing to me.  My boys are my entire world.  I see my job as their mother as the only thing I could do that matters.  I so desperately want to do right by them.  Nothing is more important to me than making sure they are happy, healthy and grow up to be well adjusted, productive members of society.  Members of society that don't poop in their pants.

Maybe it's not as bad as I think it is. Maybe three year olds are like this no matter what you do.  Maybe I'm still adjusting to having a new baby (who is going through a very FUSSY phase right now) and I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Maybe the constant scent of regurgitated and spoiled breast milk on my shirts is making me crazy.  And maybe I really do have a long way to go to become the mother I want to be.  Either way, I need to stop throwing myself a pity party because it isn't doing anyone any good.  John says not to worry.  That I'm a good mom because I love our kids and I treat them like I love them, and that's enough.  I don't know if it is.  It seems that loving them is the easiest thing in the world, but just loving them doesn't get them potty trained now does it?

To potty or not to potty

Potty training has completely consumed my life.  Out of the 100 or so reasons I have for not wanting more kids, potty training is number one.  I found myself cruising the adult incontinence aisle at the grocery store yesterday to see how big Max could get before diapers wouldn't fit and I really had to potty train him.  I'm thinking I won't.  I'll let his future wife do it.

Strangely, Alex is night trained.  Has been for a while now.  I have no idea how this happened, he just started waking up dry in the morings months ago, and now, if I take him to the potty before he goes to bed and first thing when he wakes up, he's always dry.  He doesn't even need to get up at night to go.  Thing is, I don't care about night time bed wetting.  I say, go ahead, wet the bed.  We've got a plastic cover on the mattress and thick night time pull ups.  I want him to be day time trained.  Sadly, Alex did not get this memo.

My mother in law sent me an ebook on how to potty train in three days.  I immediately read the entire thing and I really liked the method.  Yesterday I used some of the techniques from the book and we had a much more successful day.  We still had one poop accident (two out of the three poops Alex did went right into the potty though) and about three piddle accidents.  While that sounds like a lot, this was actually a HUGE improvement over what we've been having, which was requiring a new pull up almost every hour.  I'm not following it to a T though.  First of all, she recommends taking 30 days off potty training before starting her method, and I'm just not willing to loose the ground we've already gained and put him in diapers for a month, so I went ahead and started it yesterday.  Also, she says to throw out all the Pull Ups and just go straight to underpants.  I had planned to do that, but then chickened out.  Mainly because John was home for the weekend, and he can barely stand accidents in Pull Ups, he probably would have packed up and left us if he'd had to witness poopy underpants.  Alex is in  last night's dry pull up right now, but I'm considering putting him in underpants today.

I really, REALLY want him trained before his birthday.  I know I shouldn't put a deadline on him about this, but damn, it would be so nice to have this done and over with already.

Uninteresting updates: sleeping, boobs, PHM and potty training

Three nights in a row now Max has slept a solid six hours at night.  He wakes up, nurses, then snuggles up next to me for another two hours before he's up for the day.  HALLELUJAH!  My boobs haven't quite gotten with the program yet though.  They're huge and sore when he wakes up for his feeding and so full that he can only half-empty one boob, so the next two hours he's sleeping, I'm not.  I hate the feeling of full boobs.  I just hate it.  But, I'm too lazy to actually get up and pump them, so I just lay there and snuggle the baby until he wakes up and has another half a boob worth of milk then I pump the rest (which amounts to about two whole ounces, but damn, two ounces of milk IN MY BOOBS sure is uncomfortable to me.)

:::

PHM has stalled, mostly because I had a "fall off the wagon day", in which I fell, HARD, off the diet wagon.  I manged to get up, dust myself off and get back on, but, it sure did kill my momentum.  I'm still at a 10 pound loss, but I'm back to having cravings for no-no foods again.  Namely the Carls Jr. banana creme pie shake.  That thing is CRAZY good.

:::

Potty training is still on going, and at the rate we're progressing, I'm hoping to have him out of diapers sometime before he starts middle school.  It's not that he can't do it.  It's not even that he won't do it.  It's simply that he's too lazy or just doesn't care.  If I take him to the potty every 15 minutes, I could call him potty trained.  But it's all me.  He will tell me that he is in the process of or has just pooped, but does not inform me ahead of time, and he either isn't aware of or doesn't care about the feeling of needing to pee.

I've tried bribing with candy, letting him blow bubbles in the bathroom after making a deposit, offering to buy him a special toy if he goes a certain amount of time without an accident...  He'll be excited about it and do it for maybe a half day and then...meh.  Not fun for him anymore.  I've even let him run around the house in the buff for a day.  That day was, well, soggy.  We used up an entire roll of paper towels and I'm now in the market for a new family room rug.

I'm at a loss for what to do other than just keep taking him to the potty on a regular basis and just hope he decides to get it.  Anyone who has potty trained a child, specifically a boy, I NEED ADVICE!!!!!

A milestone

I was nursing the baby yesterday afternoon and Alex was asking for juice.  "I just want some jUUUUUUUICE!"  After about the sixth "Bud, you'll have to wait until brother is done eating", Alex decided to take matters into his own hands.  He went into the kitchen, opened up the fridge and got an apple juice out, he marched triumphantly back into the family room, juice in hand and announced "I have juice!".  Until that moment, I had no idea he could open the fridge. 

I told John this story when he came home from work.  "You know what that means?"  He asked me.  "We have to put a lock on the fridge?" I reply,  "No way!  Now he can get me beer!"

Something amazing happened!

Max slept through the night!  YAY!

I, of course, did not.  My boobs woke me up at four in the morning and I panicked.  I hopped up and immediately began unswaddling the baby in his cradle, sure he was dead.  He wasn't.  But he was annoyed.  I wrapped him back up and he fell asleep for another hour.  At five he got up on his own, nursed then fell asleep again.  He's still asleep now.  But of course Alex is up, so I'm up for good.

I shouldn't have been surprised.  Max's eight week birthday is today.  Alex was sleeping through the night at seven weeks.  But Max hasn't shown any signs that he was about to start sleeping through the night.  He's been getting up two to five times a night, and I fully expected that to continue.  It still might.  I think it is too much to hope I'll be regularly getting six hour stretches of sleep at night this early on a regular basis.  But, you never know!

Potty training sucks.

'nuff said.

My son the ornithologist

We went to Tracy Aviary on Saturday for Family Day.  I am not a bird lover, in fact, I am a bird hater.  Birds rank number two on my top five creepiest creatures list just barely edging out Donny Osmond.

1. Spiders/other insects
   
2. Birds
   
3. Donny Osmond
   
4. Snakes
   
5. Bats

But, I thought the boys would have a good time, so I packed a picnic lunch and off we went to Liberty Park.  We did in fact have a good time.  Alex fed some ducks, we saw lots of creepy, creepy birds and Alex got to show off his ornithological knowledge by insisting that what we were looking at was in fact a Condor, not, as the sign might lead you to believe, a vulture. 

He was wrong both counts.  It was a vulture and in no way could it be described as beautiful.  Yuck!  That thing is the stuff of nightmares.  That and the Emu. 

We also saw a peacock with no tail feathers, a baby flamingo, fed ducks, met a "special needs" pelican and a golden eagle who was missing an entire wing.  When we were done at the aviary, we had lunch then went to the playground where Alex cooled off in the sprinklers.  Then we found some geese and fed them our old bread.  All in all, we had a nice day.

Doin' what babies do

Max has been really fussy the last few days.  He only seems to sleep in 15 minute intervals and he is nursing around the clock.  A typical day's routine is:  wake up, eat, cry, cry, cry, eat, sleep, wake up, eat, cry, cry, cry...and so on.  Alex was never a fussy baby, so I'm not used to this.  I don't think anything is wrong with him really.  If anything, maybe he's adjusting to my new diet or has gas bubbles.  The crying isn't "OH MY GOD I'M DYING" crying, it's more "HOLD ME!!!" crying.  If I'm always holding him, he's pretty much happy.

But yesterday afternoon, he woke up from one of his little naps happy.  So I grabbed the video camera, naturally, and got some cute Maximillion goodness (before he started crying again,).

Alex sings the ABC song...sort of

He can sing the whole thing by himself, but prefers to do it this way.  I'm hoping to catch him on video singing it on his own, that and a video of him counting to 10 (he can do it in order now! YAY!).

PHM - PROGRESS!

I walked into the kitchen this morning and said to John:

"Take a look at my butt.  Do you see it?  You'd better take a good look because it's disappearing!  I've lost 10 pounds!"

Ok, so my butt is far from disappearing, but 10 pounds is in official weight loss range, not "water weight".  Sadly, when you're 70 (now 60!) pounds overweight, a 10 pound loss doesn't show at all.  It takes 25-30 pounds before anyone notices, and then it's more like "Hey, you look different, did you get new glasses?"

So what have I been doing since my last update?  Well, I joined a gym and have been going three times a week (which doesn't sound like a lot, but it's all I can manage right now), I'm walking for 45 minutes in my neighborhood on the days I don't go to the gym and I've changed my eating to a low glycemic diet.  That, plus non stop, never ending breastfeeding (seriously, Max LOVES to eat). 

As much as I'd love to wake up 60 pounds lighter tomorrow, I'm trying to keep the mantra "slow and steady wins the race" in my head.  If I wasn't breastfeeding, I know I'd try going on some crash diet or get some weight loss pills or drink nothing but Slim Fast every day, and I think it's good that nursing is keeping me from doing that.  Breastfeeding Max is forcing me to loose the weight in a healthy way, and hopefully, if I can keep this up and loose it all, I'll be able to create some good habits and keep it off for good.

John's coming home tonight! YAY!

Actually it didn't go as badly as I thought it would with him gone, though I am feeling like I need a break. Max was fussy all day yesterday, which wouldn't have been a problem except I'd taken the boys to the Discovery Museum and had planned on Max sleeping in the carrier, instead he wanted to nurse the entire time we were there, which, to say the least, wasn't very conveinient. We managed ok until it just got too busy and I felt like we had to get out of there. Of course, Alex didn't want to go and made a huge scene ending with me carrying both the boys out, one in each arm, both screaming, while dragging a stroller along behind me. We were a sight, I'm sure.

Another thing that's made the last few days a little harder has been potty training Alex. We started back up a couple of weeks ago, and if I thought potty training was a pain before, it's doubly hard now with the baby around. I'm determined though!  I'm not going to let him quit this time. 

I also had my six week post partum checkup while John's been gone. Looks like everything's healed up nicely (though I am still a little tender) and I've been given the go ahead to resume the nookie, which is a good thing, since we actually resumed almost two weeks ago.  We've decided to put off John's vasectomy, due to the fact that I'm only 99.999% sure I don't want to have any more children, and I want to be a solid 100% before we take the option completely off the table. So, I've decided to get the Mirena IUD and will have it put in next month (we have to halt all nookie again for two weeks before it gets installed.  "NO CHEATING" the doctor told me, because they want to make sure I'm not accidentally pregnant).  I used to use the Nuva Ring and loved it, but I don't want to use it and risk my milk drying up.  For the nine months I nursed Alex we used condoms, but that gets really old after a while.  The doctor says the Mirena doesn't contain estrogen, so it should be fine with nursing.  I hope I like it, because it would be wonderful to just not have to worry about birth control for the next five years.  If we still don't want to have more kids in five years, John will definately get snipped. 

John called via video phone last night and Alex was beside himself with excitement to see him.  We were talking in the bedroom and Alex kept jumping on the bed saying "Daddy!  Jump on the bed with me!"  and "I want Daddy in my house"  Alex sure misses him, and I hope he can stay awake long enough to see him when we pick him up at the airport tonight at 8:30.

Single mom test: Day 1

Well, not really day one since I just dropped John off at the airport an hour ago.  More like, night one.

John's out of town on business until Wednesday night and he's left me alone with both of our offspring.  Lets all pray I survive the next three days.  Actually, I'm not worried about me and the kids.  I can handle them, I'm bigger than they are.  Even so, I'm missing John already.  It could be the postpartum hormones, but I was weepy on the drive to the airport and I all out bawled on the drive home alone.  Could I be more pathetic?  What can I say, I love being with my husband and I miss him when he's not around, even if it's only for a couple of days.  Alex was asleep when we dropped John off at the airport and he's going to be downright heartbroken when he wakes up tomorrow and discovers that Daddy's not home.  Even worse will be nighttime, aka DADDY TIME. 

We'll survive, and John will video phone in the evenings to say hi.  John's had to travel for work several times in the past and will probably have many more business trips in the future, so it's something we'll just have to get used to. 

itchy

I'm always getting after Alex about itching his eczema spots.  He'll itch and itch and itch until he literally rips the skin off and gets all bloody.  It's awful.  Sometimes I'll cover all of his spots with bandaids and have to get after him for clawing at the bandaids.  Anti itch ointments don't seem to help very much, so it's something he just has to live with.

Today I've gotten to experience a tiny bit of what he's going through.  I have some kind of bug bite on my foot that is driving me crazy.  I'm like a madwoman clawing at it all day long.  Today, Alex caught me itching at it and he yelled at me "Don't itch Mommy!  It will get bwoody.  I want a bandaid for you. "