And, I'm off

Well, I've decided that Max isn't sick, or at least not sick enough to cause me to stay home from my trip.  I'm so confused.  He pulls and bats at his ears, yet he acts normal and happy.  Last night I let him sleep in bed with me and he slept until 4, wanted to nurse, then slept until almost 7.  He doesn't sleep AT ALL when he's sick.  But then he's batting at both his ears this morning.  Who knows, maybe he just discovered his ears?  Babies are weird.

So, I'm going.  I'm nervous, not that something will happen while I'm gone, but nervous that I'll miss them the whole time.  It's pointless for me to go and be miserable because then what was the point of the trip?  John took a week off work for this.  I pumped milk until my boobs shrivled up and fell off (well, not quite, but almost).  I've written a 15 page instruction manual for John detailing food the kids eat, feeding schedules, helpful tips on outings with the boys, medications they're taking, medications they might need and doses.  I have a whole page dedicated to what to do when he takes Alex to karate class on Wednesday.  I've cleaned the house, washed all the laundry, cooked a huge pot of chili so John has something to eat, I've organized the pantry and fridge so that John can easily find snacks and meals for the boys...I've never prepared so much for a vacation.  Everything will be fine.  I will relax.  Or, I'll try to anyway.

Adios!

Last minute freakout

I'm packed.  I've even checked in with the airline online already.  I'm going on vacation.

Right now, however, I'm up with a cranky baby who is now pulling on his left ear even though he's in the middle of the second round of antibiotics for his right ear.  No fever though.

Do I go? What if he's sick?  What if he needs me?  Should I stay home?  Can John handle a sick baby and a 3 year old on his own? 

During the day Max is the very picture of health and happiness.  Well, despite the boogers.  At night, however, he's up 3-5 times, which, for this kid, isn't so out of the ordinary.  So is he sick? I just don't know.

I guess I'll wait until morning and see...

To my Big Boy

Alex,

I wrote a post to/for your brother the other day for his 10 month birthday, and I've been feeling a little guilty that I didn't write one to you.  I struggle trying to make sure I treat you boys fairly. Make sure you both know how completely I love each of you.  I love you both differently, yet I love you both the same.  It's a very strange feeling.  You may experience this phenomenon in your life someday.  Actually, I hope you do because it's pretty damned awesome.

Alex, you are now three and a half years old, and I'm not sure if this age is harder on you or harder on me.  I understand how confusing things can be. You like candy, why can't you eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner?  If toys shouldn't be broken, why is it so easy to break them?  And why oh why isn't it ALWAYS playgroup day?

You might be a handful, full of energy and mischief, but mostly you're a really wonderful kid who is smart and funny and affectionate.  You are friendly almost to a fault. You've never met a stranger, everyone is your new friend.  In fact, you call them that.  You spy someone new at the playground and tell me "I'm going to go play with that new friend!" and run off to meet them.  Most of the time you're greeted enthusiastically by this new friend, and you gain a playmate for the duration of our time at the park.  Sometimes though, this new friend doesn't want to play, and that can be tough.  Personally though, I think it's their loss, because you are so much fun!

Most of the time though, anyone who meets you loves you instanty.  And how could they not? You are one of the happiest people I've ever known. 

I like to think of you as a pre-school McGuyver.  You can have fun anywhere with anything.  Give you an empty tupperware, a bandaid and an old button and you fashion yourself a toy which you can play with for hours.  In fact, most of the toys you have at home have been taken apart and the pieces used to make completely new toys.  Most of the time I don't understand what the new toys are or what they're supposed to do, but you like them, and I'm just so proud that you are so creative!

You've recently started to show off your good manners.  I've been trying to teach you manners since you were a baby, but suddenly, the last month or so, it's like something clicked, you realized that if you're polite, you get more stuff, and you're now starting to break out the "Please" and "thank you" and "You're welcome" all the time.  You tell people "nice to meet you", you compliment my coloring telling me it's "Bootiful" or "Awesome!" and that I did a great job, you worry about your little brother if he's not in the room with us.  When we have playgroups at our house, you gather up an armful of toys and pass them out to your friends, making sure everyone, even the babies, has something to play with.

You still suck your thumb and have a favorite blankie, and I love to look at you, curled up on the couch in the morning, wrapped in Blue Blankie, thumb docked in your mouth, because it's a glimpse back in time when you were your brother's age and you started doing that.  You don't need your comfort items too often, just when you're upset or tired.  In fact, you may be ready to get rid of them alltogether pretty soon, the other day Blue Blankie went missing and I was franticaly tearing the house apart looking for it.  At one point you took my hand and said "Don't worry Mama, it's around here somewhere".  When we did find it, you said to me "See! Here it is!"  You weren't worried one bit.  I was.  Sometimes I think I need that security blanket more than you do.

Alex, I could go on and on about all the cool things you do and funny things you say, and I try to document my favorite quotes and stories on this website as often as possible in the hopes that someday when you're older I can share them with you.  What I really want to tell you in this post is that I love you.  I tell you this at least a dozen times throughout the day and you tell me you love me right back.  But when I tell you that I love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky, I want you to know it's not just something I say.  I really do love you that much.  More even. 

There is nothing you could ever do, there is nothing you could ever think, there is nothing you could ever be that would change the fact that I love you more than oxygen.  Three has been a hard age, and there have been many a time out in the last year or so.  Alex there are many, MANY years ahead of us, and we may fight some days.  We may be angry at each other.  But one thing will always remain constant. I love you.  I will ALWAYS love you.  No matter what. 

10 months

Oh Maximus, you are 10 months old today.  How fast you grow!

To look at you now, you'd never know we almost didn't get to keep you.  You'd never know we once worried you wouldn't survive.  You'd never know we spent months worrying about possible brain damage.  Because Max, my boy, now you are the epitome of the perfect 10 month old little boy.  You are so strong.  You are our miracle.  You completed our family.  Your big brother Alex, he made us a family, and when we brought you home Max, we were whole. 

You look like your dad, but you've got my nose.  You have a dimple when you smile, just like your brother, only his is lower left and yours is upper right.  You have a very toothy grin (EIGHT TEETH!), and really enjoy showing off those pearly whites whenever possible.  Your smile is infectious and it is literally impossible to be in a bad mood when you're grinning at me.  You have soft wispy blonde hair that doesn't appear to ever grow.  And sadly, you're thinning out, we'd hoped you'd stay chubby, but it looks as though we've got another skinny bones in our house.  That's ok.  At least you and your brother won't have to worry about dieting all the time like your father and I.

Even though you're skinny, you LOVE to eat!  You'll try anything once, sometimes even twice, and sometimes you'll keep eating even though you don't like it and just give me dirty looks the entire time.  You're still breastfeeding, but you'll take a bottle of expressed milk from your dad.  You won't take a bottle from me, you can't be fooled when the real thing is right there.

You've recently learned how to clap and you do it all the time. At a soccer game CLAP CLAP CLAP!  While watching American Idol CLAP CLAP CLAP! When you wake up from a nap and I come in your room, you'll usually be sitting up in your crib and as soon as you see me you give me a round of applause.  I love this.  You've also added waving bye bye and blowing kisses to your repertoire.

You're still working on crawling, but you do get around pretty well scooting on your belly.  You can pull up to stand and do this all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if you're walking by the time you turn one.

You surprise me lately with how fast you catch on to things.  Just today you were playing with your shaped blocks and trying to fit them through the shaped holes in the box.  You try to build things with your brother's Mega Blocks and you draw on the magnadoodle.  Your favorite toy is your walker and you zoom around the house and out on the back patio with glee.  Chasing your brother and the dog and sometimes giving Alex a ride as he stands on the back.

You love to talk, and you're already really good at mimicking sounds.  You say Dada, Baba, Hot, Tata all on your own, but with encouragement can say Mama and Ah ee (when we ask you to say Ally, for Alex).

You laugh ALL THE TIME.  You think peekaboo is the greatest game ever.  You love petting the dog.  You love pinwheels and balls and books (to eat, not so much to read). 

You like to get your way.  In fact, in your world, we are all here simply to serve you.  Where your brother has always been independant, a real "I'll do it myself" kind of kid.  You'd much rather be carried than get there on your own.  Though you can feed yourself finger foods, you'd rather sit there with an open mouth like a baby bird, waiting for me to feed you.  If you are tired, you require someone to be standing and walking around with your head on their shoulder, we are not allowed to sit, even in a rocking chair, no matter how tired you are, you know if we're comfortable.  It's almost like your comfort is directly related to how uncomfortable we are.  You will play on your own with toys sometimes, but you'd much rather bug your brother to play with you.  You want whatever he has, and you're usually successful in getting it by way of SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER until you have a grip on it with your chubby little fist.  And speaking of the grip, it's like a vice. Once you've got hold of something you will not let go.  Boy, you are strong!

Oh and Max, you love me.  You are a true Mama's boy and I couldn't be happier.  Your face lights up when I walk in the room and even if you were perfectly content in the arms of whoever was holding you, when I'm there, no one else will do.  I'll admit it, I love it. I love every bit of it.  I love the smiles and the special Mama kisses you don't seem to share with anyone but me.

I am leaving you next week, I'm going on vacation for a few days, and I am nervous about it.  I've never left you for more than a couple of hours, so five days sounds like an eternity. I have this theory that I suck at bowling (your dad and I joined a bowling league this year and my average is downright embarrassing!) because my body is off balance without you perched on my hip. This vacation seemed like a great idea months ago when I booked it, but now that it's getting closer I wonder, what am I doing? I can't leave my boys!  But, I think it will be good.  You and your brother will have some special time with your dad taking care of you, and I hope to come home relaxed and refreshed and able to be an even better mom to you and your brother.

Max, I love you so much.  You may never know how much.  You and Alex are such amazing little boys and I feel so priviledged to get to be your mother. 

Ear infection

You know how they say that breastfeeding your baby can reduce their risk of ear infection?  Well, I'm pretty sure that's a crock.  Max now has his THIRD ear infection since February!  Kid hasn't had so much as a drop of formula. He's all about the boobs, as you know, but yet, we keep going to the doctor and we keep leaving with prescriptions for Amoxicillin to treat his ear infections.

Alex on the other hand was combo fed (breastmilk and formula) from about three months old to nine months and then from nine months to one year formula only and to this day has never once had an ear infection.

Wheezer

I took Alex to the doctor this morning because he seemed to be having to work really hard to breathe.  He had a fever, cough, runny nose and his heart felt like it was trying to pound it's way out of his chest.

Dr's diagnosis: Pneumonia.  And Asthma!

I knew asthma was coming.  With his history of eczema, John's history of asthma...it was just a matter of time.  Even though it wasn't really a surprise, I was still taken aback.  I sat with him at the doctor's office while he breathed in Albuterol with a nebulizer, I listened intently when the nurse taught us how to use the inhaler, I took the pamphlet and asked questions on how to recognize an asthma attack all the while wondering what this has to do with Alex, we're just here because he has a cold.

I was surprised that it seemed so easy to diagnose.  She just listened to his lungs (granted she listened for a long time we were there over an hour) before and after the Albuterol treatment and said "Yep, he's got asthma. Oh yea, and pneumonia, here's a prescription."  I stared wondering why he didn't have x-rays. Aren't there more tests? I mean, shouldn't there be more hoops to jump through before you diagnose someone with a potentially lifelong lung condition?  I guess with Alex's background, all she had to do was hear him wheezing and it's not a big leap to diagnosing asthma.

John's pretty upset about it. Growing up with asthma held him back from doing a lot of things he wanted to do.  He didn't want Alex to have those same hurdles. 

Right now he just has an Albuterol inhaler that he will use until his cough is gone.  The doctor didn't think he needed a steroid or any maintenance medication, which makes me feel like his asthma must be pretty mild, at least right now.  In fact, the doctor said that it could be that respiratory infections, like colds or the flu, could be his only trigger and we'd just make sure to a) keep him healthy and not get sick and b) if he does get sick, make sure to treat him with his Albuterol if his breathing gets wonky again. 

As for the pneumonia, I pretty much forgot to ask any questions about that.  It seemed to take a backseat to his asthma.  She did prescribe Azithromycin for him and already after his first dose his fever's gone, his runny nose is drying up and he seems to be feeling much better overall.  He's still got that cough, is it the pneumonia or the asthma?  I'm not sure.

My poor little guy.  In true Alex fashion though, he's taking it all in stride.  He takes his medications, both the liquid and the inhaler, like a champ.  No complaints.  We've talked about his asthma and I told him that it's nothing to be scared about, that Daddy has asthma too. He tells me "I'm not scared Mama. I feel better now".  That's my guy.

Family Photo Outtakes

Ever since we completed our family with Max, I have had a dream of capturing the perfect family photo.  What I should do is just hire a real photographer to do this.  It would certainly be easier, but for some reason I've decided to make it harder than it needs to be.  I think to myself, I've got this fancy camera, I've been successful at taking photos of the boys myself for the last two years, I can do this!  It'll be EASY!

HA!

I dressed my whole family up in matchy matchy outfits over the weekend and we proceeded to drive around to find the perfect place to capture the joy and happiness that is our little family.  John didn't want to drive down to Thanksgiving Point Gardens, which was my first choice.  He didn't even want to drive to Draper Park, which was my second choice.  John insisted on just driving aimlessly around until we found a suitable spot for our pictures. 

I was worried because I felt it was a mini miracle that I got us dressed and in the car while still clean.  All of us with protective sweatshirts zipped all the way up to our chins to protect the white shirts.  I figured extra time in the car looking for a good location would be extra time for the boys to get dirty.  But I'm glad we did it this way because John was able to find us two locations that were perfect, much better than the manicured gardens and park would have been. 

Next challenge, get everyone looking at the camera!

 

K, we're all looking in the right direction, lets try smiling and keeping our hands to ourselves!

 

Maybe we should work on getting EVERYONE in the picture

 

Our second location was actually a construction site that had this perfect rock and old tree for a backdrop.  We had a little trouble getting everyone focused again on the task at hand

 

The kids needed some assistance as to where to look since there was no one to smile at behind the camera (it was on a tripod and I was using the remote shutter)

 

I'm really not sure what was going on here.

 

We did finally get some acceptable shots which you can see at Flickr here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmelee/3432276097/

Fat 'n' Healthy

My newest post at Bodies:

http://www.bodiesinmotivation.com/2009/04/fat-n-healthy/

It must be all that clean livin'!

An apple a day...

Well, I survived my date with the hygienist of doom yesterday.  In fact, it wasn't even a fraction as bad as I thought it would be.  There were a couple of spots she and the dentist thought I'd need to be numbed for, but I told her to just go ahead with it and I'd tell her if I needed her to stop.  It wasn't pleasant, but it was far from needing pain relief.  She kept telling me how brave I was.  "Wow, you're so brave!", "Way to be brave! That was a tough one!"  Then the dentist came by and she told him what a brave little patient I was and I swear someone was about to offer me a lollipop. 

They did refer me to an endodontist to take a look at a bad root canal done a decade ago that's caused one of my bottom front teeth to get infected.  I've seen several dentists in the last 10 years, all of whom looked at the tooth and told me "Well, if it doesn't bother you, let's just leave it alone".  I was relieved that this dentist agrees with me that no, teeth shouldn't do that or look like that and we really need to do something about it. 

I also had a physical with my regular doctor today that seemed to go fine.  Though I felt like I might have been on candid camera.  He kept coming in the room, asking me to do weird things, then hurrying out of the room again.  Like "Raise your eyebrows way up high.  Ok, now squeeze my fingers.  Ok, I'll be back".  He'd leave for a minute then come back and tell me to walk across the room on my heels, open my mouth real wide and roll my shoulders.  Leave again, come back, smile at him, pant like a dog....I began to suspect he was going out there to laugh at me and take bets with his nurses what silly things he could get me to do next.

The one thing I had a problem with was when he cleaned out my ears. I'm a wax producer, always have been, and to make things worse, I'm a q-tipper, which I know just packs it down there even more, but I can't seem to stop using q-tips.  Anyhow, he had to flush my ears with water which felt basically like he stuck a fire hose in my ears for 10 minutes.  My ears are sensitive anyway, but it was so uncomfortable I ended up spending the entire time crying like a baby.  I swear, I can push and 8.5 kid out of my nethers without pain medication, but squirt a little water in my ears and I dissolve into a puddle of tears.

I get the results of my blood tests the end of the week.  One of the big reasons I went in was to have my cholesterol checked and also discuss healthy weight loss options with him.  Surprisingly he recommended South Beach diet and Sugar busters, both diets I know well.  And the goal weight he suggested for me is very reasonable.  In fact, it's pretty much what I'd planned on, which was surprising.  My goal weight is still a lot of weight for some people.  But for me, the doctor agrees, it is healthy, realistic and sustainable.  This made me feel much better. 

So blood tests pending, I seem to be in very good health.  I hope to stay out of any doctor or dentist offices now for several months at least.

What's up?

I know, I haven't really updated my blog with anything interesting. Stupid egg post and April fools joke that didn't work aside, I've just been busy.  Busy doing what?  Hell if I know.  I just know that it seems as though I can't sit down for more than two minutes at a time.  That just happens to be enough time to update my Facebook status or write a tweet.  Not much time left over for a decent blog post (which explains why I'm writing about eggs)

Part of what's kept me busy are named Alex and Max.  Both of whom came down with a pretty nasty case of the boogers.  Sadly, Max ended up getting the flu and an ear infection, and according to the doctor on Tuesday, may have also had a UTI.  He's been on antibiotics all week and is feeling better now, but there was much crying, not a lot of sleeping and a lot, A LOT of vomiting.  Alex, who was not nearly as sick as his brother, was feeling neglected and spent most of the week getting into trouble, making messes, throwing tantrums, etc., etc., all in the name of getting more attention.

So other than illnesses, nothing much is going on around here.  Max is babbling constantly and can say "Baba", "Dada", "Mama" and "Hot".  Not that any of those words MEAN anything to him.  But he can SAY them, so they count!  He continues with his usual hissing and motorboat noises as well.  He's pulling up to stand if I hold his hands and spends most of his time running (yes RUNNING) around in his walker, often with his brother standing on the back for the ride.

Max is almost big enough to actually play with Alex now.  They play with toys together (well ok, more like steal toys from eachother) and spend a lot of time rolling around on the floor and wrestling together. Max is 9 months old and already wrestling with his big brother.  Kid's no wuss, I'll give him that.  I swear, if I blink, the two of them run off to Alex's room and shut the door and I have to chase them down to see what they're getting into.  As cute as it is, I'm still shocked and just a wee bit sad that my baby doesn't act like a baby so much as he acts like a short verbally challenged three year old.  At the same time, nothing makes me happier than to see the boys play together.  

Alex, when not causing trouble to get attention, is surprising me every day with his language development.  He tells stories, he sings and dances and loves nothing more than making a new friend and it's all I can do to go to the store without having him start up conversations with every kid he meets "hi little boy/girl!" "Hi big boy/girl!" depending on their size. He loves to do art projects and the last couple of weeks has perfected his self portrait:

 
He drew this picture for John to take with him to Nebraska

Family life in general is going real well.  We seem to have settled into a nice family dynamic.  John's starting to really settle in with his new position at work and I'm finally not so stressed out about having the kids out number me.  It helps that Max is only waking up once a night now (instead of three) and I'm getting more sleep.  John also seems much more comfortable with both the kids.  On the weekends he gets up with Max, letting me sleep all night long, and he also will take both boys into the mancave with him freeing me up to do my chores or take a nap, or do whatever.

We're still adjusting to being doggie parents again.  Fancy is the best dog ever, as long as you don't take her outside.  In the house she's gentle and sweet with the kids and she doesn't chew up the boys' toys.  She and the cat get along great and other than shedding a metric ton of dog hair all over my house, she's just plain delightful.  But, and there's always a but, she turns into Kujo the second someone knocks on the door.  She barks, she bounces around, she acts like she's going to charge and rip apart anything or anyone who dares enter her home.  Same is true if I want to take her for a walk.  Barking, jumping, pulling on the leash, trying to attack any dog, cat, person or leaf that crosses her path.  She doesn't actually bite though, or at least hasn't yet, it's just that she's huge and loud and that's scary to someone who doesn't know her.  When we invite people in, she jumps up on them happily and gets to know them, and then she's fine.  But obviously, the jumping up and the initial reaction is not good.

We're working on her though, I take her for walks a lot, and have recently switched from the choke chain, which did nothing to control her, but traumatized both of us, to a harness and it seems to have made a world of difference. I have much more control of her now when she tries to run off, but it doesn't seem to hurt her at all like the choker did.  I've considered taking her to obedience classes, but honestly, I'm terrified. Her PROBLEM is other dogs. I can't imagine what it would be like if I took her to a class with other dogs. I am thinking of calling a trainer for some one on one classes.  I've never had a pet that was stronger than me.  How Diane ever managed her is a mystery.

In other, less thrilling news, I went to the dentist to fix my front teeth that were chipped months ago. I finally found the time to get them fixed.  I couldn't be more thrilled with my new smile.  I feel much less hillbilly, and I can't stop smiling to show them off.  John claims he can't tell the difference.  I swear if the change doesn't happen in my bra, he'll never notice anything.  The dentist also did an exam and I am pleased to report I have no cavities!!!  I've had 5 cavities my entire life and I didn't get those until I was 29 years old.  The dentist also showed me that I have two wisdom teeth, which was news to me.  I'd been told by all of the dentists who've ever done x-rays on me that I didn't have wisdom teeth, but there they were in my panoramic x-ray this morning.  I was told they'll never come down, that they're stuck up there for good unless I decide to have them extracted.  I think I'll leave them where they are for now.  They're not bothering anybody.  I have to go back tomorrow to see the hygenist.  Apparently I have some gum issues around my back teeth (Nothing a good cleaning won't take care of the dentist assures me).  I'm a little nervous.  The hygenist threw around phrases like "Root planing" and "scaling" and I'm sure she said somthing to the effect of "I'll have to numb half her head". 

I also have an appointment with my doctor for a physical and I'll get blood tests to check my cholesterol.  I'm hoping for good news, something along the lines of "You're so healthy you'll never die!"  In reality, he'll proably tell me to loose weight and go see a dermatologist to get my moles checked.

April fool

I'm not really big into April fools day, but I do like to bombard John with a lot of lame jokes just to see if he'll fall for any of it.  He didn't fall for anything yesterday, it's no wonder though, seeing as how all of my attempts were super lame:

• 
  

  Mentioning that I didn't want to get rid of the baby stuff because I was seriously considering having a 3rd child



• 
  

  Telling him I was planning to get breast reduction surgery this summer after Max is weaned because of my back problems



• 
  

  Telling him (after he ate his lunch) that there may have been a booger in his salad



• 
  

  Suggesting he get his MBA at BYU because they have a great program

But then, the perfect April Fools opportunity fell right into my lap.  John came home from work and had stopped and picked up the mail.  He handed me an envelope and said "I wonder what the Fraternal Order of Police are sending you"  Well, I knew exactly what it was, but I saw my chance at a prank, so I took the envelope from him and said "Oh, I know what this is" in what I hoped would be a suspicious tone.  I took it from him and changed the subject.

When the subject came around again about the letter, I started weaving a tale of a vague accident that occurred while John was in Nebraska last week.  I couldn't control my urge to laugh, so I tried to play it off as embarrassed laughter.  He was buying it, but I blew it. Just thinking about how well the prank was going turned my "embarrassed giggles" into full on uncontrolled belly laughs. 

I gave up and told him that the letter was a donation form.  Bummer.  If I'd have known the form would arrive on April 1st, I would have prepared my story and it could have been a lot of fun!