2010 in review

This has become a tradition I guess since I did it for 2007, 2008 and 2009.  So, I feel compelled to do it again this year.  Here is my 2010 recap:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
 I saw a lot of Oregon, went up to the top of the Space Needle in Seattle, voted in an Oregon election, too my boys trick or treating, visited Utah as a non-resident, flew on an airplane with BOTH my children and saw a Christmas parade of lighted boats,

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Kinda and yes. 2010's resolutions here, but here's a recap:.

Run a 5k race - No.  Didn't even try :(
Get back in the black  - No. But now that John's job is much more stable and permanant this will be a big goal for 2011.
Stay connected with family and friends in Utah and California - I don't know if I did as good a job at this as I'd intended.  But we did take a few trips for the sole purpose of seeing family, once to Camp Sherman, once to Seattle and just recently to Utah.  I try to keep up on the goings on of our various family and friends via blogs/email/facebook/Flickr.  This will be another biggie for 2011 as well.
Build a life here - This was what I focused most on this year, I socialized my ass off and that's a big deal for me as I've never been particularly social.  It's been worth it though because I've met some really awesome new friends and it's not feeling so lonely here anymore.
Be more active with the boys - I'd say yes, maybe because of the previous goal, we were out and about A LOT!  There is so much to do here!  The boys and I explored a lot and tried to go to a new park or outdoor place at least once a week during the Spring, Summer and Fall and we did a lot of family activities as well.
Make our marraige a priority - Yes, and believe it or not this was HARD!  Our work schedules allow us no real time together and having two young boys allow us virtually zero time alone, so we had to be creative.  We've started having middle of the night "date nights" after John gets off work (around midnight) twice a week.  We communicate a lot thru email and text, over the phone and notes stuck to the fridge.  But we're happy, I'd venture to say happier than we've ever been.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
John's sister Jen and her husband had their second child and his brother JP and his wife had their first child

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one in my immediate family, but John lost his grandmother to cancer.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just my own

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A bigger place to live, a K-pak vapor iron so I can have straight hair in Oregon, more financial stability and a better job.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Strangely, 2010 feels like a blur.  It was mostly working, managing our various schedules, trying to pay our bills, playdates, road trips and exahustion.  John landing his current job in August was a HUGE deal for us and made our new life here feel much more permanant and secure. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Ending the year better than we started.  2010 started out shaky with a lot of unkowns ahead of us, we plugged along taking small steps forward and while we're not where we want to be, we're much closer now than we were a year ago.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I wish we could have got John to Utah to see Grandma Marie before she died. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I am currently battling a cold, but that's about it

11. What was the best thing you bought?
John would say the X-box and Kinect. I'd say my Kindle, though I didn't really buy that, it was a birthday gift from my mother.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
John, he worked hard to get the job he's in now and he's worked VERY hard at it since. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
  My own at times.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Sadly, just plain old living expenses and bills

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I always get excited when we go out to the coast

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
All of the songs from TMBG here come the ABC's and Here come the 123's because Max makes me listen to them ALL THE TIME!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer? Actually, about the same. We make more, but we owe more.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
exercising (same as last year)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
eating (same as last year)

20. How did you spend Christmas? With John and the boys.  We spent Christmas eve together playing Hungry Hungry Hippos and watching Christmas movies.  After the frenzied opening of Santa presents on Christmas morning, John went to work and I played with the boys and their new toys.


21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Continuing my love affair with Oregon. MY GOD IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL!

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Dexter, but we watch them on DVD, so we're only caught up through Season 4

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No

24. What was the best book you read?
I am currently reading the Sherlock Holmes collection, I've read the first 3 novels and one collection of stories and I am LOVING them!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? None, sadly

26. What did you want and get?
A new home for Fancy. She wasn't happy living in our apartment and now she loves with John's sister and I hear she is very happy there.

27. What did you want and not get?  A bigger place to live.   
  

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
We saw a lot.  Maybe Date Night because it was funny and relateable.  Except for the mobsters and stripping.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Oh Hell, I don't even remember my birthday. I turned 33 and I think we did...something?

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A relaxing vacation.  we took trips, but all were more stressful than relaxing.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Comfort.

32. What kept you sane?
My husband

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Can't think of anyone

34. What political issue stirred you the most? There were a couple of local issues I felt pretty passionate about.

35. Who did you miss?
I still miss my mom, why doesn't she just move here?

36. Who was the best new person you met?
All of the people I've met recently have been awesome!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
In every way that really matters, life is perfect.  Let the stuff that doesn't matter go. 

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 
"Life I love you, all is groovy"
The 59th Street Bridge Songy by Simon and Garfunkle

 

Alex's letter to Mrs Santa Claus

Dear Mrs Santa

Santa Claus is counting on me to be a super duper good boy.  And I am!  Santa's sleigh is going to fly high on Christmas when the reindeer fly high. I've seen Christmas lights.  I saw Christmas lights on boats.  Santa won't fall out of his sleigh, so don't worry about him.  The reindeer tow him and they know what they are doing.  The reindeer keep the sleigh from tipping over.  You have been a really good Mrs Santa.  I am going to leave Mr Santa some cookies.  I seen Mr Santa and you at the Christmas carnival. Thank you for the candy cane!  Alex is my name it starts with an A.  There is a circle ornament with an A on it on my tree.  My tree is a pine christmas tree.

Take care of the elves because Santa takes care of the elves when it's not Christmas, but when he's gone it's your job. I think you'll do a good job. 

Love Alex

*Alex asked me to dictate an email to Mrs Santa today and it was so cute, I had to post it to the blog

Hasn't changed a bit

Max at 3 months:

 

Max at 2 and a half years:

 

Notice his "crazy eyebrow" is still alive and well. That and his round nose are about all he got from me, the rest is all John. In fact, I just recently buzzed his hair, he was looking a little too much like Moe from the 3 Stooges, and given the fact that he is IMPOSSIBLE to get to sit still for a decent haircut, a buzzcut is really our only option to keep his hair manageable.  After I was done buzzing him, he looked in the mirror and said "I LOOK LIKE DADDY!" and, oh how he does!   

When I look at Max in person, I still see 3 month old Max. Baby Max. So when I took this recent photo of him, when I saw it I was a little shocked! For a second I wondered who's kid I had taken a picture of and where are the pictures of my baby?  Max was sitting on my lap at the time, excited to see the pictures we'd just taken, "That's me Mommy!" he said, pointing to the screen "I'm a handsome boy"

Yes you are Max.  You are a very handsome boy. 

Holiday card outtakes

 "Smile Alex!"

"Oh c'mon, you can do better than that"
 

"Alex, you look constipated, how about not trying so hard to smile. Just a little smile is fine"
 

"Ok Max, your turn"
 

"I see you are not feeling cooperative today. How about if I just let you play and maybe I can snap a good shot that way"
 

"Ok, that didn't work. Maxie, just come over here and let me take one picture of you, I'll give you a treat!"
 

"ok, forget the park, lets go home, maybe we'll have better luck there.  Alex what do you think?"
 

"Max?"
 

"Alright, I give up on individual pictures, how 'bout we try one with both of you together?"
 

Eventually we did get an acceptable photo for the holiday card. FINALLY!

 

Happy Holidays!

What's going on lately?

I am convinced that there is no place on earth more beautiful in Autumn than Portland. And the season lasts so long here that the leaves change slowly.   You can watch the leaves change over the weeks/months, the edges get red but the center is still bright green, sometimes there's bits of yellow and orange too, all in one leaf.  If you walk a couple of blocks from our house, still on the road we live on, the trees actually meet over the top of the road like a roof.  These particular trees have leaves that turn pink in the fall and it's like a tunnel with a roof made out of flower petals. 

 
(one of these days I'll actually get a good picture of the trees on Teal Blvd that isn't taken from my moving vehicle, but for now this blurry photo will have to illustrate my point.  This is it, but, like, 50x prettier in real life.)

Work is going well for both of us.  John is very happy in this new job, as we knew he would be.  It is so nice to see him happy again in his job. Going back to what he loves, people management, was the right decision, without question. For me, cutting my hours has made all the difference. I'm not sure it's so much about working less hours as much as it's allowing me to think of this job as just a part time gig to supplement my husband's (our main) income and I don't feel that pressure to try to turn this job I hate so much into something vaguely resembling a career. I left my career, on purpose, four years ago, and I have no desire to build a new one at this time. My kids/family are my focus right now and this part time job helps us pay our bills AND have me home by lunchtime.  Pretty close to ideal in my opinion.

John and I are continuing our twice a week, middle of the night dates and it continues to work beautifully.  Admittedly, at 1:00 in the morning, the last thing I want to do is climb out of my warm bed, but once I have a cup of coffee, it really is wonderful to snuggle on the couch and spend some quality time with the husband I love so much.

We had a great Halloween with the boys, they both got into it so much.  Alex wanted to be a Pumpkin Witch and Max, always wanting to do what brother does, insisted on being a pumpkin too.  We went to Halloween carnivals and parties and parades, we toured a pumpkin patch and carved jack o lanterns and finally trick or treating. 

 

 

 

 

Alex started a new preschool the first of November, he goes twice a week for 4 hours and he LOVES it!  When I pick him up after school he says "My day was FANTASTIC!"  Max is understandably sad that he can't go, not that he hasn't tried to sneak in anyway.  We may send Max to this same preschool as early as next fall.

 

We're trying to eat healthier, following the basic plan of The Primal Blueprint, which is essentially eating a low carb diet focusing on natural and/or organic foods.  Admittedly we got derailed over Halloween, having two full buckets of trick or treat candy, many pieces of which John and I had no choice but to consume ourselves since they contained peanuts, and we wouldn't want to just THROW THEM AWAY or anything... ha.  But I really do feel a noticable difference between eating grains/sugar and not.  Though I might not be perfect on this diet, overall we are eating better, healthier foods and I'm sure the longer we eat like this, the more normal it will become, eventually becoming our regular way of eating without having to think about it.

We're trying to exercise more too, but this one is tough.  We literally have NO time away from the kids.  John has started walking from his offsite parking lot to his office instead of taking the shuttle and I walk around the business park on my lunch breaks.  If we both happen to be home, I take the dog for a walk (though it's hard to call it excersise when she has to stop to take a huge dump every 10 feet or so).  Now that it's going to start getting colder, I'm hoping we can both carve out some time to use our apartment complex's gym. It's open 24 hours, so we should be able to, but we're already short on sleep and trudging up to the clubhouse in the middle of the night (him after work and me before work, for either of us would be between the hours of midnight and 3am) isn't as appealing as an extra half hour of sleep in our cozy warm bed.

We've experienced the first thing we don't like about Oregon over Utah. Fleas.  Yes, FLEAS!  Fancy apparently picked up an infestation on her ass about a week ago and I knew immediately what it was, I'd known this would happen sooner or later but I was in denial and let her chew at her butt for a few days before I decided to accept what was happening and give her a bath.  There were several flea casualties found in the tub after her scrub down and so, naturally I freaked the hell right out and may have sent a few panicked emails and high pitched screamy "FLEAS! WE HAVE FLEAS! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!" voicemails to John who was at work at the time.  Having lived in Utah my entire life, I hadn't the slightest idea what to do about it, Utah's too cold for fleas.  Turns out, since our flea problem seemed confined to our dog's ass, it was pretty easy to take care of.  Fancy got a flea treatment and I cleaned the entire apartment top to bottom to get rid of any eggs/larve that may have taken up residence in our carpet/bedding/stuffed animals.  As of now, Fancy hasn't had any itchies and no one has been bitten and no more fleas have been spotted.  The fleas didn't seem to take notice of Kitty/Maxine at all because she hasn't had so much as an itchy spot.  Even though it was a fairly easy thing to take care of, I still have the willies about it.  I feel itchy all over just THINKING about fleas! YUCK!

Blood sucking insects aside, all is well in these parts and I feel almost too happy to be allowed. I am nothing but hopeful about our future because our present is going so well.  I'm looking forward to the holidays this year, we may be joining some friends for Thanksgiving dinner and we plan to get a Christmas tree this year.  We got rid of all of our holiday decorations in the move, so the boys and I will be making ornaments and stuff the next few weeks. I'm actually really excited about it, which is a stark contrast to my usual scroogy attitude during the winter holidays.  And to add to the general positive feelings, one thing I've been stressing out about for a YEAR, health insurance, is going to be taken care of in 3 weeks when John and I will finally be covered through his company's benefits (the boys are already covered under OHP and will be until next Spring when we'll add them to our plan).

Yes, life is good.

Make the time

After two months, John's finally out of training and is now actually DOING the job he was hired to do and working his official shift.  I switched to a part time schedule at work to accommodate his new schedule and though our bank account isn't too happy with this change, I am ecstatic!  Less hours at a job I hate and more hours at home sleeping and/or with my family.

It feels like we're finally getting a little stability in our lives, which we've been sorely missing the last year or so.  Financially, we're still broken, we have a long way to go before we're out of the hole again, but emotionally, we're feeling positive and happy and feeling like we're finally settling in.

We've also recently learned how to work around our schedules to have some couple time together, something we haven't had much of at all in the 10 months we've both been working.  Our schedule goes something like this: I get up at 3am, go to work by 4, leave around noon and meet the boys and John at his work's offsite parking lot at 12:15, drop John at his office, spend the day with the boys until 8:30 then fall into bed. I'm long asleep by the time John gets home at 11 or 12, and he's fast asleep by the time I wake up to do it all again at 3am. We rarely have days off together, the most we get is a morning together if I have the day off or an afternoon together if he has the day off and that time is spent, naturally, as family time with the boys, both of us exahusted by the time the boys go to bed. Sometimes we try to watch a movie together, but usually I pass out before the opening credits are done.

Working part time now, sometimes I'll get home off work at 10:30, sometimes I won't have to start work until 6, but either way, our time is still very limited.

A couple of weeks ago, I told John to wake me up when he got home.  I didn't work the next day and I could stay up as long as I wanted. So I went to bed with the boys at 8:30, John came home at 11, woke me up, I drank some coffee and we spent the night together watching Dexter on DVD until 2am. Having had a nap, I was wide awake, and since I had the morning off John was able to sleep in the next morning (I slept in too, by my standards, being woken up by the boys at 6:30). It was FABULOUS!  Time together! Just us! And we were both awake! 

We've been doing this on the nights before my day off since then and it's changed everything.  We've been feeling disconnected from each other, getting in stupid little fights all the time, frustrated that our marraige felt less like a marraige and more like a shared child custody arrangement.  It's amazing what a little TLC will do for a neglected relationship! We haven't had so much as a disagreement since we started doing this.  We don't need elaborate date nights or fancy meals we just need to be together. Tonight, for example, we had Iron Man 2 on BluRay and a bag of microwave popcorn and it felt downright luxurious to sit on my sofa with My Honey and watch a movie uninterrupted by kids fighting or my snoring.

I had felt so hopeless, how can I maintain a good marraige when I have no time with my husband?  The answer? MAKE THE TIME.

Five

Wasn't this just yesterday?

 

Yet here we are today:

 

Has it really been five years?  I suppose it has been. Five amazing, crazy, wild, scary, exhilerating, exahusting, humbling, wonderful years.  I try in vain to express how much I love this boy.  But words fail me.  It's indescribable really.  It's something between feeling like he still is an extension of my own self and obsessive addiction.  I really am not complete without him.  A life without my Alex in it is unthinkable.  Impossible.  There is no world without Alex Richard Dillier.  He is it.  Even weirder, I feel exactly the same way about Max.  My whole world wrapped up into two skinny, knobbly kneed, messy haired, dirty finger-nailed, freckly nosed boys.

So far, Alex's defining characteristic is his creativity.  The kid is an artist through and through.  He would rather draw, paint, glue, cut out, fold, sculpt, color....than anything else.  He can turn ANYTHING into an art project.  A used popsicle stick, a postcard from the mail, empty toilet paper tube, a couple of packing peanuts and an empty diet Pepsi can becomes an airplane or a castle, add an empty egg crate and OH THE POSSIBILITIES!  Just the other day they got some Pillow Pets that came in a big box.  Alex took the box apart and made the "The Dillier Express" and the boys played choo choo train with that box for a week until Max peed on his train car and I had to throw it away.

He's learning the power of words, for both good and bad.  He knows flattery will get him what he wants.  A well placed "I love you" or "Mommy I think you're pretty" can earn him extra dessert or another episode of Backyardigans even after TV time is over.  He also is learning to use this power for evil with phrases like "I don't love you" "You don't love me!" "I wish I didn't have a Mommy/Daddy/Brother"...  Effecively crushing my heart into teeny tiny pieces.  But he is also able to really express his feelings to me now, "Mommy I don't want you to go to work because I miss you when you're gone"

With all the uncertainty going on the last few months about finances and John and my work schedules we didn't enroll Alex in preschool this year.  We didn't know if we could afford it and we didn't know even if we could afford it, how we would get him to and from school.  Our work schedules and finances are starting to even out now, but it's too late to enroll him for a Fall semester and I've decided to do some home schooling with him.  We do art projects and work sheets, work on writing and reading and math.  It's actually been really fun and as it turns out the book of Kindergarten level worksheets are a little too easy for Alex who flies through each worksheet with ease.  At this rate he'll be ready for 2nd grade level work by the time he enters Kindergarten!

He's enrolled in a karate class that starts next week and I'm hoping that he'll like it.  He did T-ball and soccer over the summer and we learned that Alex isn't into sports.  At all.  All through the game he'd come running back "Can I go to art class now?" he'd ask.  We gave up on soccer after just a few games because he just wasn't into it.  We chose karate this year because not only is it physical activity, but they also focus on respect, listening, patience, self-discipline, self-confidence...I'm really hopeful that it will be a good activity for him. He's just taking a short class through the local rec center, but if he likes it, I'll enroll him in the martial arts academy in our neighborhood where he'll actually have the opportunity to test and earn belts, etc...

He beats up his little brother and fights him for parental attention, but also acts like the protective big brother by always making sure that Max gets his fair share.  When we buy Alex a toy, he'll make sure we get one for Max too.  If we go to a restaurant he orders two of everything, one for him, one for Max.  Whatever he gets, he asks for one for brother too. Suckers, balloons, toys, paper crowns from BK...always one for me, one for brother.  If another kid pushes Max at the playground Alex goes into a rage "HE HURT MY BROYER!" and rushes in to defend Max (a little too aggressively, but we're working on it) It's this behavior that makes me know, deep down, these two will be close.  Sure, they wrestle and pick on each other, but they've also got each others back.   

Happy FIFTH Birthday Alex!  I am so proud of you!

 

*Daddy wrote a letter to Alex for his fifth birthday on The Dillier Man Blog, which is so wonderful I have to link to it here as well:

http://jmelee.typepad.com/the_dillier_man_blog/2010/09/to-my-son-alex-on-his-fifth-birthday.html

A summer of Facebook

I've been lazy and updating Facebook more than my blog.  Since I'm basically using my blog as a family journal/baby book/etc, I thought I'd put some of my Facebook updates here, save them for posterity as it were.

 

September 2010 (so far)

 

Alex, annoyed that the hippos were sleeping at the zoo yells "I ONLY SEE TWO FLOPPY HIPPO BUTTS!"

:::

We just have to get through the next 2 days and John is temporarily (or not?? we don't know) on a day shift for the next 2 weeks. It'll be just like being married! Oh, wait, we already are. I almost forgot.
:::
Alex and I escaped the house and went to a movie. We wanted to see The Last Airbender since we just finished the series last week, but ended up seeing Despicable Me, which was probably more appropriate for a 4 y/o. Anyhow, it was nice to have a little Mommy-son date with my boy.

:::

A beautiful day in Seattle
 

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A box of Pillow Pets came to the door today (thanks Mom!), who knew a bunch of furry animal shaped pillows would make the boys SO HAPPY! You'd think a chest of gold ingots landed on our doorstep with this excitement.

:::

Max got a lion and a hippo, he greatly favors the hippo, says it's "fuffy" and "I love him" and kisses him on the nose
 

:::

Alex got a penguin and a unicorn. Yes, my son is manly enough to have a unicorn pillow pet. He said he had to have the unicorn because he'd never seen one in real life.
 

:::

 Having trouble getting Max to eat his peas tonight, Alex came to the rescue squishing some peas up in his hand and telling Max "Hey, this is called bazonda, it's really good!" Max is now eagerly eating his "bazonda" as fast as Alex can squish the peas.

:::

Alex keeps asking me what I would like to do with my "figgy niggy" I'll be honest, I haven't got a clue what he's talking about.

August 2010

John opened a can of flavored almonds and Max points to them and says "Ew, kitty poo" They kind of do look like kitty poo.
:::
Some days I love our little apartment, it's low maintenance and the neighborhood is amazing, but some days it feels so...temporary. I wish we were ready, financially, to buy a house here, to really settle in and make it home.
:::
Whenever Max gets pruny in the bathtub or pool, he always says "Mommy! I have pee pee fingers!"
:::
One year ago today I visited Portland for the first time. Two and half weeks later, we moved here. It was a crazy risky decision that a year later I don't regret in the slightest.
:::
John's going out to buy a new xBox. Supposedly for "home based product research" for his new job. uh huh. sure.
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Big Truck Day was AWESOME!
 
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When I told the boys I wanted them to clean up, I didn't want ANYTHING left of the floor, they took me eriously.
 
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John sent the boys into the bedroom to wake me up this morning. Max came in and said "Mommy! I have moo sick for you!" and started blowing on his plastic recorder
:::
Something I'd rather not have my 4 year old say to me: "Mom, I'm really sorry but I need a lock pick. I need to break a lightbulb"
:::
can't figure why Max talks with a Louisiana accent. Must be all that cajun food I ate while pregnant.
:::
A sign advertising "kids eat free" sparks an uncomfortable conversation about cannbalism and ethics of eating animals when I jokingly say to Alex "eat kids free".
:::
John just accused me of being sarcastic in my sleep. I fell asleep while watching Phantom Menace last night and he won't let me rewatch the ending because when he tried to wake me up I said something sarcastic to him. Never insult the Star Wars, or John will withold your watching privledges.
:::
Alex: "I don't want to be a boy anymore, I want to be a girl" Me: "Why?" Alex: "So I can be the Queen Bee and everyone will listen to me"
:::
Alex is going through this weird phase where he doesn't like his butt cheeks to touch. Ya know, they just don't cover this sort of thing in parenting books. I'm just going to chalk it up to weird things preschoolers do and will eventually get over. God, I hope he does because he can't go through life holding his butt cheeks apart when he walks around.
:::
Alex LOVED the tour of the fire station this morning! Thanks to TVFR Station 67!
 
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The playground merry-go-round will now be known as the Vomit Inducing Toddler Flinging Wheel of Doom

July 2010

Alex was sent to bed early for spitting on his brother and he's now yelling from his room at the top of his lungs "MOMMY! I WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU ABOUT THIS!" Apparently he is not happy with the way he's treated around here.
:::
John made lunch for us. Some sort of hashbrowns thing, pepperoni and broccoli w/ alfredo? butter? I'm not sure. I give him credit though, looks like he's got all the food groups in there :)
:::
Whenever I get out the markers, Max immediately gives himself tattoo sleeves. When we're done and go to clean up, all of Portland can hear his sobs "NOOOO! No washa my tatoooooooos!"
:::
We got a Blue's Clue's DVD from the library today, happened to be the first time Alex had ever seen an episode w/ Joe instead of Steve. Halfway through Alex says "turn it off. this isn't right"
:::
Alex is happily scarfing down one of my favorite "meals" that John thinks is disgusting. crushed up tortilla chips with melted cheddar mixed together with ketchup. The best part is Alex saying to John "come ON Dad, you gotta try it! It tastes REALLY good!"
:::
Alex: "I think you should get fired" Me: "why?" Alex: "Because you go to work EVERY DAY and we always miss you"
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Alex checked out a book about volcanos from the library today. After reading it I can't look toward Mt Hood without "Ring of Fire" going through my head. Also, Pompeii
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Telling Alex that I really want to go to the beach soon. "Well, we're going to need to bake some chocolate pies then" he tells me. "Why would we need pies for the beach?" i ask "Mom, you can't go to the beach without chocolate pies!" Well, ok then.
:::
‎"Do you want a cheese sandwich Max?" "BACON!" "Would you like some peaches?" "BACON!" "How about some yogurt?" "BAAAACONNNN!" "How 'bout bacon? would you like bacon?" "YAY!! BACON!"
:::
Alex is having an asthma attack, I THINK I've got it under control w/ Albuterol. But Alex is still saying it's hard to breathe, followed by, "Can I go to the dr to get a sticker now?" this is making it hard to decide whether or not to take him to the ER. Is it REALLY hard to breathe or is this an elaborate sticker acquisition scam?
:::
Busy day! Breakfast at Black Bear (where we ate biscuits the size of our HEADS!), OMSI, ride the MAX to PGE park, baseball game, fireworks!
:::
Told Alex we're going to a park on a volcano (Mt Tabor) Alex, worried, says "But there will be LAVA all over the playground!" I told him, not to worry that the volcano is dormant "Does that mean they put a lock on it?" he asks. Something like that buddy :)
:::
Highlight from Alex's Tball game: He stole third! As in ran to third, picked up the base and ran off with it.

Game changer

John got and accepted a job offer!

This isn't really news, he's gotten two different jobs since he left eBay last August, so what's different about this third job?

IT'S A REAL JOB! 

This isn't an entry level job with potential for advancement, this isn't a job to get us by until he can find something better, this IS SOMETHING BETTER!  This is the job he's been looking for.  This is the job, out of the probably HUNDREDS of job's he's applied for in the last year, that he wanted the most. And he got it!  His second interview went so well, they called him an hour after he left to offer him the position! 

From the job description, it's no wonder why they hired him, he's a perfect fit.  He'll be a team manager for a company that provides customer service for a leading video game manufacturer (I'm not sure if John wants me to write about the company and/products he works with, so, we'll leave it vague and let him spill the details if he chooses to).  It's pretty much what he used to do at eBay (before the promotion to the position that he ended up hating during his last year there), and we're excited for him to go back to doing something he loves.

And of course, he'll make more money. Nowhere near what he made his last year at eBay, that salary will be hard to match, ever, but he's making much more than he's made at any job since he left and the best part is he'll be eligible to enroll in their health benefits by the end of the year and they're affordable! A THIRD what benefits through my company will cost with better coverage and lower deductible!

This is a game changer.  We've gone from considering bankruptcy to making a plan to pay off our debt.  From being uninsured for the forseeable future because we can't afford my company's benefits to looking forward to great coverage by December that not only we can afford, but he'll STILL bring home extra money after we pay for insurance. John's no longer working at a crappy part time job he hates, instead he'll be the boss.  I'm still going to be working at my job, but I'm hopeful that down the line, after we pay off some debt, I can go to a part time schedule, maybe even start my work day AFTER the sun comes up.  We've even talked a little bit about maybe buying a little place of our own here in a year or so.  At the very least we'll move into something bigger before Alex starts Kindergarten next fall (I have this thing about not wanting our kids to change schools.  Next summer we'll pick the schools we want them to go to and move within their bounderies and, barring any drastic changes to our future income, stay there until they graduate.)

It seems we're finally going to be able to get back on our feet.  We have a lot of financial damage control to do.  Pay off debts, fund our emergency account, start saving for college and retirement again... But we're definately headed in the right direction now. 

Mostly I'm thrilled that John got the job he wanted. I really think he'll finally be happy at work again.  He hasn't been happy in his career/job for at least two years now.  Landing this job is step one in getting John's career back on track, doing what he loves and I know he'll be great at it!

T-ball

Alex is playing sports for the first time this summer. He just finished t-ball and he starts soccer next week.  This is the first time he's ever done any kind of team sport where they actually play games. I'm glad he's doing this program this year because it's the perfect introduction to sports.  The first half of the time is practice and the last half is a friendly game.

He seemed to enjoy it, but I'm not sure t-ball is a very good first sport because there's a lot of rules and a lot of standing around waiting for stuff to happen.  I'm hoping that soccer makes a little more sense to him. 

When he got his team picture and certificate of completion today he was very excited. "Wow!" he said "That was GREAT!"  Now he's really looking forward to soccer.

Simple

We took the kids to a park along the Willamette yesterday.  It didn't have a playground or a sprayground to play in.  It didn't have any climbing structures or a sandbox, it didn't have anything really, other than a pretty view of the river and a big grassy area.  There was a "water feature" that had a sign posted saying it wasn't an official "wading pool" and not meant for children to play in.  Of course the kids play in it anyway. The way the feature is, it's just a depression filled with water, maybe 6 inches deep, a glorified puddle really.  There's no barrier keeping the kids out and it's basically irresitable to kids to splash in. 

So anyway, we went to this park, mostly to get out of the house and into the sun and fresh air. It was a saturday evening and I was worried about taking the boys and dog to one of the bigger, funner parks because they'd be packed and I wasn't in the mood to deal with a lot of people.  I chose this park because it's out of the way and boring.  Figured it would be fairly deserted.  And it was.

What was surprising is we really enjoyed ourselves.  I left the boys with John and took the dog for a walk along the river, walking almost all the way to George Rogers park (I call it the "River beach" because there's a sandy beach at that park and the boys and dog love to play in the water right there.) and back.  While Fancy and I were gone the boys splashed in the not-a-wading-pool, then we all took a little walk on this pier-thing and took in a view of the river which is AMAZING!  Seriously, I wouldn't mind being poor if we could live in our mini van down by the river. haha.

Even though the park doesn't have a playground the boys didn't mind, they found a nice big hill and John taught them how to roll down real fast (while making himself sick in the process) and they spent the rest of our time there just going up and down the hill.

A lot of weekends I spend a lot of time and energy (and sometimes money we don't have) trying to create "memories" and "experiences" trying to make the most out of the time we have together as a family.  I pack us all up and go to museums or to the zoo, out to dinner, to the coast, movies, sometimes I have a big detailed itenerary of activities for the weekend.  Sometimes these big plans go off without a hitch and we all have a great time, most times it's a fight getting out of the house, we get started getting ready late, John and I argue, the boys throw tantrums...we end up flustered and worn out..  Yesterday we didn't spend any money and didn't have a set plan and we had a wonderful time.

I need to keep in mind to keep it simple. The boys don't need big elaborate weekends to have fun.  We just need to be together.

Our other option is to become Canadians

We got some good news today, the boys were approved for OHP (Oregon Health Plan) so they'll have affordable health insurance for at least the next year.  The bad news is, John and I were denied.  They say we make to much. Ha! HAHAHAHAHA!  Make too much? How can anyone possibly make LESS than what we do right now?  John works part time and I make such a pathetic salary I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry when I get my paychecks.

We applied for individual coverage, a horribly expensive plan that covered hardly anything with a $10k deductible, and were denied. 

I'm not eligible for benefits at my company for another 2 months, but even then, it will cost nearly HALF my pay each check. HALF!!!  We're barely skating by with my whole paycheck.  To spend half of that on health care premiums?  How would we buy food?  How would we pay rent?  How would we pay for the copays and deductibles or afford to take time off work to even GO to the doctor??

So, as is my way, I freaked right the hell out about it.  Had a real, honest to goodness breakdown right here at my dining room table.  The boys staring at me with worried faces, John ignoring my maniacal sobs from the living room (mostly because I was being quite the bitch at him, having never really forgiven him for leaving Netflix and their benefits package,  I also accused him of being a Republican. Obviously our current insurance perdicament is ALL HIS FAULT.  Yeah, I know not at all supportive. It was a BREAKDOWN, I was hyperventilating and everything, perhaps the loss of oxygen to my brain made me so bitchy. I did apologize later though. Not that it makes it ok.).

I'm really not sure what we're going to do, but after packing the kids in the car and going to the park, the fresh air calmed me down.  It seems there might not be anything to do. John and I can't get coverage.  At least not now.  John is actively looking for another job, we can hope that he will get one and it will both pay better and offer health benefits that we can afford (though after a year of looking, the dream of him finding that perfect job is fading).  We still have a couple of weeks left on our current insurance before they drop us.  We're going to try to get John in to see a nephrologist to hopefully renew his rx for another year (not likely) or at least find out what it will cost us for him to see the doctor uninsured (a lot I'm guessing) and I need to get in for my yearly girlie visit.  Then, we'll just stay healthy.  I hope.

Home

We wanted to go to the beach this weekend, and instead of going to our favorite, Arcadia Beach, we thought we'd try something new and go a litte futher south.  I was thinking we could go to Newport, but then decided to just go to Lincoln City (about 25 miles north of Newport). It being a weekend, I was worried that the big beach cities would be packed and maybe we'd have more luck finding a secluded spot to run the dog around in Lincoln City.

The drive out was beautiful, as is any drive anywhere in Oregon it seems.  We drove through vinyards and farmland, low rolling hills, it was green and beautiful, the sky was blue with big puffy clouds. I kept saying to John "I WANT TO MOVE HERE! I want to be a Farmess"  John informed me that there is no such thing as a Farmess and that I'd just be a regular old farmer picking radishes in the fields complaining about back pain and I'd hate it within a week.  Yea, I guess, but driving through it seemed like such a romantic idea, to give up the rat race and live off the land.

 

Driving into Lincoln City Alex and I were amazed by the clouds.  Low Stratus clouds moving at high speed above us.  They were so low and so fast moving at first I was sure they had to be smoke from a fire, but as we got a view of the coastline, we saw that they were indeed clouds.  A big huge cloud just hovering there over the ocean.  It was ominous in a strange way. It wasn't grey or scary, didn't remotely look like there would be a storm, it was just hovering there over the ocean, creeping over the tops of the hills to the north.

Lincoln City is billed as "The kite capital of the world" and you'd think from that I would have realized it would be windy.  I did not.  Windy it was though, and then some.  I kept having to take my glasses off and wipe the lenses because of what can only be described as ocean slime was being blown into my face from every direction.  I could hardly see.  What the beach did have going for it were the tidepools.  A lot of them.  Everywhere.  We saw lots of tidepool critters, we caught fish and sea snails in our buckets (which we returned to their homes before leaving).  After about an hour though, the kids were shivering (a stark contrast to them sweating in Portland just a few hours earlier) and I'd had enough of the wind.  We got back in the car, my hair looking very much like I'd been electrocuted, and decided to go to Devil's Lake about a half mile inland.

No wind, just sun, blue skies, warm water, soft sand and a kick ass playground to boot.

 

All in all I think the kids had a nice day.  John and I enjoyed the scenery, though our minds and hearts were on the loss of Grandma Marie, who's funeral had been that afternoon and we couldn't afford to attend.  Since she passed away last Friday, grief and regret and frustration have threatened to take over.  Being far away from family, it's hard, and though we are still very happy in our decision to move here, the last week or so has brought into bright clear focus what it's cost us to persue a better life away from Utah.  Away from family.

As much as I love Oregon, even I have to admit that part of our hearts will always remain in Utah.  We took our little roadtrip yesterday afternoon and were soothed by the beautiful scenery and the boys playing in the water and the fresh clean air.  This is home now, and we are happy and we love it.  But we need to figure out a way to stay connected to our loved ones back "home" in Utah.

Doing something about it

There are only two things in my life that suck:

1) We're broke

2) I'm fat

It doesn't take a genius to look at that little list and notice that if that's all I have to bitch about, I've got a pretty amazing life.  BOTH of those things are absolutely fixable and BOTH of those things are well within my control to fix.  Not to mention, I know how exactly to fix them.  I've built a career and gotten out of debt before and I can do it again.  Same with my weight.  I've lost it before, I can lose it again.

So why don't I?

Hell if I know. Lazy I guess.

Well, things are gonna be a-changin'.  The fact that we couldn't afford to get John to his grandmother's funeral without seriously compromising the rest of our year financially (so he's not going), the fact that I have ZERO summer clothes that fit because I've gained a good 15 pounds since we moved last year (not to mention the 40 pounds I've been carrying around since I gave birth to Alex)...these things were both pretty harsh wake up calls for me.  I think I'm finally fed up enough to do what it takes to resolve these problems once and for all.

Steps I intend to take in the immediate future:

- Cease and desist ALL credit card spending. Now granted, we've been using them to LIVE on and not for frivolous purchases, but this has to stop before we can even BEGIN to pay them off.

- Phase one of the South Beach Diet. Begins now.

- My apartment complex has a 24 hour gym. USE IT!

- Bring the awesome at work and try to earn my maximum bonus.

- We can eat out ONCE a week. ONE meal out in a SEVEN day week. That's it.  This will help with both goals.

Grump

I've been grumpy lately. I'm just letting everything get to me.  After a year of deperately seeking the positive in our career/financial crisis, now that things are settling down a bit, I guess I've let down my guard and the bad feelings I've kept at bay this whole time are flooding in. 

I've wasted this entire weekend being pissy and picking pointless fights with John.  Which is just monumentally stupid, we get so little time together because of our work schedules, and I waste it bickering with him.  I finally pulled my head out of my ass by Sunday afternoon when we took the boys to Grant Park and watched them play in the fountain, climb on the jungle gym and we played a game of Dillier Soccer (which is really just trying to get the boys to leave the ball on the ground and kick it instead of picking it up and running away.  It's cute though. And fun).  I was in this great park in this amazingly beautiful city with my happy, healthy totally awesome boys and a man I am crazy in love with. WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?  WHAT DO I HAVE TO BE BITCHY ABOUT?

I blamed it on my job.  I've been promoted, and while the job does offer more of a challenge (instead of being mind numbingly boring like my old job), it's also very negative (I take escalated customer service calls now) and maybe all the negativity I deal with all week got to me.

I blamed it on our apartment.  I want a bigger place. I want a yard. I want a garage or AT LEAST 2 designated parking spots so I dont' have to lug groceries and 2 kids across the apartment complex to our place.

I blamed it on our dog.  If she wasn't INSANE, we wouldn't NEED a yard, we could just take her to the park with us and the boys and she wouldn't try to eat the other kids/dogs/squirrels.  And why does she have to be a BIG dog?  It's hard to find a rental that will take us because of her. And WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO POOP SO MUCH!??!?

I blamed it on the World Cup. WHY did the US have to play Ghana on the day I wanted to go to Changs (or favorite mongolian bbq place. The boys call it "Chopsticks") after work and then drive out to the coast?  OF COURSE John wasn't going to want to. AND THEN, AND THEN! They didn't even have the decency to even WIN the game! They ruined MY WHOLE SATURDAY! GAH!

I blamed it on John's job.  John, like me, has recently been hired on permanently to his company (we were both working through temp agencies) and this happened for both of us the same week.  This means we're going from our weekly pay schedule to my every two weeks and John's twice a month pay schedule, which means we only got my paycheck this week which means after rent gets paid we have ZERO dollars to last us until John's company pays him on the 5th.

I blamed it on my gall bladder and John's kidneys. Both defective, yet we haven't been able to see anyone about it because our health insurance keeps changing.  Along with John and me getting hired permanently, we lost the benefits we got through the agency. John can't get benefits at his company and I have to wait 90 days to get mine. Meanwhile John's RX's will expire before he can see a new nephrologist and they have no refills and my gall bladder may very well explode, yet I can't do anything about it because if I see a dr about it before my benefits kick in, if I have to have it removed, it won't be covered. Which we can't afford.

I blamed it on my ass, which is fat. And I'M SICK OF BEING FAT.

I blamed it on the cookies, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO YUMMY??

I blamed it on John because he didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do exactly when I wanted him to do it. And yes, I WAS that immature this weekend and no, I am not proud of it.

I blamed it on Republicans and those Jehova's Witnesses that keep coming to our door and oil spills and high fructose corn syrup and country music and BYU and my allergies and those freaky huge ants that keep coming into our apartment and reality televison and Donny Osmond.

I blamed my pissy mood on everything under the sun but the one thing that was actually responsible for it.

Me.

I can't control a lot of things going on right now and it's making me crazy.  What I can do is focus on the things I have control over. I can work hard at my job and try to earn more money. I can make the most of my time with John instead of ruining it with my bitchiness. I can eat better and exercise which not only will help me lose some weight but is bound to make me feel better in general.  And I can take a look at this awesome life I have and appreciate it for what it is instead of trying to force it into what I think it should be.

Outtakes

We attempted to take portraits of the boys this afternoon.  It, uh, didn't go well. 

Here we have my personal favorite.  Max, clearly NOT wanting his picture taken and Alex scratching his butt.

 

Here we have Max. And a green happy face ball.

 

Uh, I don't know what this is all about.

Don't look so happy Alex.

They weren't all bad.  We got some cute shots:

 

 

Here are the winners of the afternoon:

 
(we're trying to grow out Alex's hair, which is why it looks so doofy)

 
(yes, I'm aware of the giant rope of slobber hanging from his chin.)
 
 

 
 

Two years

Happy Birthday Maximus!

Alex and the beanstalk

Alex told me a story today:

Once there was a little boy named Alex and he was taking a walk in the sun.  And he found a treasure chest filled with dimes.  Then a giant walked by and picked Alex up and reached up high into is beanstalk and set him down.  Then Alex climbed down the beanstalk again and he walked in the sun again, except now he shrank to the size of an ant. The giant took a walk in the sun and got all burnt up.  Then the sun grew and grew into a big sun.  Then it got mushed.

The end.

I yuh you Mom

Sometime during the night Max either wandered into our room, or John brought him in because he woke up and he didn't want him waking Alex too.  Either way, its 6AM and I'm trying to convince Max, who's snuggled up next to me, to sleep just a little bit longer. Not that I feel it's too early to get up, it's already three hours later than my usual wake up time, I'm just really enjoying being warm and snuggly in my bed at the moment and don't much feel like getting up to watch Elmo. 

Max reaches his little arm up and puts his hand on my chest.  "I yuh you Mom"

The first time your child tells you he loves you, un prompted, not because you said it first, just because, at that moment, he loves you. I've always known Max loves me, but to hear it out of the blue like that, well, that's the best gift my boy could give me.

Look at me!

Max is fearless.  He has no idea he's not even two and really has no business climbing on the bigger kid jungle gyms.  We go to the park and he runs right after his brother up the ladders, down the slides, across the bridges.  Jumping, running, sliding, climbing... "Look at me!" he shouts at me from the top of the highest play structures. "Stop it mom!" he yells at me if I try to help him up the ladder. "I did it!" he squeals when he makes it to the top himself,  "I did it Mommy! Look at me!"

Alex, thank you for making me a mother. I don't even remember a life without you in it.



Max, thank you for completing our family. Now that you are with us, we are whole.



No matter what else I do in my life, you two are my greatest accomplishments! I love you both with my whole heart.



-Mommy

Beach bums

The last two Sundays we've driven out to the coast to spend the day at Arcadia Beach.  It's just south of Cannon Beach, away from the shopping and the resturaunts, it's really just a little parking lot off the highway, blink and you'll miss it.  The first two times we came out to the coast we went to Seaside and on the way home drove south to Tillamook then home and we passed the little sign that said "Arcadia Beach access" and thought we'd check it out.  So, last week we did and discovered the BEST BEACH EVER!!!  John has declared it "Our beach" and likely will never consider trying out another beach again because he loves it so much. In fact, I wasn't really feeling up to going again on Sunday, but John got up bright and early and declared we were going to our beach and that was that.

This is the same guy I had to DRAG to the beach practically kicking and screaming anytime we were in California, Panama, Hawaii...he just isn't into beaches, and here's he's shooing us out the door so we can get "our spot" on "our beach".

The drive itself is actually quite nice, it's an hour and a half, first through farmland and then over the mountain (which, at 1600 ft, to us Utahns, it's really just a hill). Our boys are both really good in the car, Alex has always been great on road trips and Max usually falls asleep. 

Once we got there the tide was low and we were able to spend about a half hour exploring the tide pools which was really cool.  We saw all sorts of creatures, several sea stars, hermit crabs, anemones, barnacles, mussles and limpets. 

Once the tide came in we retired to "our spot" which is just up the beach next to one of the freshwater streams running into the sea.  We like to setup camp next to the stream because the boys can play in the water and build sandcastles well away from the waves.  We do let them play in the waves, but only with one of us right next to them.  They can play in the stream without us having to worry, so we can let them do their thing while John throws the ball for Fancy and I collect sand dollars.

 

As we were watching the waves yesterday, the boys squealing every time the water came in at them, I turned to John and said, for probably the 500th time that afternoon, "I LOVE it here!".  "I do too" he said, "It feels like we're on vacation"

On our way back we decided to go through Cannon beach so I could get a picture of Alex pretending to be One Eyed Willie by Haystack rock.

 

And feeling Goonieish, decided to take the long way home by going north to Astoria to see if we could find the Goonie House (we couldn't).  The boys both fell asleep once we left Astoria and John and I enjoyed the winding road back home, stopping at Jewell Meadows Wildlife Area to look at the Elk.

 

I really can't imagine a better way to spend a day.