I am very content with my life as it is right now. I want for nothing. I am happy. Completely. I can't think of anything that would make me happier. There are things I want. Sure. But happier? Nothing comes to mind.
If you'd have told me a year ago that our family would be living in a little apartment, both John and I working opposite shifts for peanuts, in debt up to our eyeballs with a mortgage in Utah we can't get rid of, I'd have laughed out loud. Or cried. Yet here we are, and I can't help but smile.
It seems everything we've done to get where we are now has taught us an important lesson, or provided us a way to change our family dynamic for the better. Though the decisions we've made weren't designed to do that.
We learned we don't need a big house or lots of stuff to be happy. We left 3/4 of our stuff and our too big home behind and found that we don't miss it at all. I would like a little more space that what we have now (more specifically I'd like more private outdoor space than we have with our little patio now so the dog and boys can play safely outside), but I will never live in a space bigger than we need again. I will never let useless stuff collect and clutter around me again. I have what I need, anything else is too much.
When we decided I was to go back to work, I had what I can only describe as an emotional breakdown about it. I. DID. NOT. WANT. TO. PERIOD. Turns out, it was one of the best things we could have done for our family. If I'd have known the changes that were in store for us just by me going out and getting a job, I'd have done it years ago. We share the parenting and household duties much more equally now (whereas we didn't share them at all before, it was my job as the stay at home parent.). This has changed our marriage, it has changed John's relationship with his boys, all for the better. It feels like we're a team where I didn't feel that way before. Seeing John and the boys growing closer every day, it fills me up, makes me love my husband and this family we made together even more. Watching him kiss boo boos, fix breakfast, play with play-dough, even when he lectures me about washing the ketchup off my plate instead of just leaving it in the sink, this new dynamic has been good for us.
This is not to say I wouldn't RATHER be home with the kids full time, but working is something that I need to do now and for the foreseeable future. Being a good mom, being a good wife, means going out and bringing home some bacon. At first I was very discouraged that John and I had such a hard time finding work. We both gave up on trying to find jobs in our chosen fields and instead focused on finding ANY jobs that would allow us to not have the kids in daycare. Bonus points if we didn't hate our jobs. With both of us working, we make less than what John made on his own less than a year ago. But, John was downright MISERABLE last year at his job. Now, he works part time, likes his job and is really good at it. As for me, well, I like my job enough, I'm really good at it and the hours are such that I'm able to be home with my family by lunchtime. That's what I'd call a win win.
As for the debt, well, we're back on the Total Money Makeover. We're almost done with Baby Step 1, and while we have a long road ahead of us, we know we can get out of debt again. Gazelle intense focus! Besides, eh, it's just money. And the house, well, we have a renter for now, who knows? Maybe we'll be able to keep it long enough for the market to get better and MAKE money on it someday? We shall see.
