A big step in the right direction

Max was moved out of the NICU yesterday evening.  He was also taken off all of his medications and allowed to eat.  FINALLY.  As his mother, it's been so hard to not steal him away and feed him a twinkie or something.  Kid hasn't eaten since the day he was born.  He's wasting away people!  Of course, feeding him hasn't been an option until now, so when his doctor told us we could start, I did a dorky little happy dance right there in the middle of the NICU.

We mistakenly thought that having Max in the infant care unit where we could stay with him in his room all night would be easier on us than having him in the NICU.  What we didn't realize was that being in the room with him meant being in the room with his monitors and the nurses and doctors coming in and out and how scary that is in the middle of the night.  We had a little setback last night, they really amped up his feeding schedule and Max didn't tolerate it very well.  Every time he'd eat (through bottle and tube, breastfeeding wasn't working and it was just stressing us both out so I gave up for the night.  May try again today) his breathing would get real fast and his o2 levels would go down.  They put him back on a nasal tube which helped.  Of course this was terrifying to John and me because that's where this whole story began.  Max's breathing too fast.  I dealt with it by having a complete breakdown and formulating elaborate escape plans.  I would go home. Just leave, pick Alex up from my mom's house and go home pretending none of this was happening.  I want to go home.  John's started to get pissed off about the whole ordeal.  Up until now we've both been sad and confused, but not really mad.  Now, John's mad.

Then something good happened.  Max woke up.  He's been asleep for days, only occasionally peeking an eye out to look around.  Last night he was wide eyed for what seemed like at least an hour or two. Maybe three.  I have no sense of time anymore.  This morning's feeding was cut in half (from 2oz to 1 oz) and he tolerated it very well. 

I put aside my escape plan and instead of breaking out of the hospital and running away, I took a walk down to the computers and read some emails and comments on mine and Jen's blogs and it's given me new strength.  Thank you everyone who is thinking of us and supporting us.  We really appreciate all of your thoughts.  When we've got nothing left, it helps to have some backup out there!