Debitchification

I am so looking forward to Saturday. I've been a stress ball lately. Work stress, Mommy stress, Wife stress... For the last few weeks or so I've felt like I've been slowly crushed by 1000 pounds of responsibility and obligation and haven't enjoyed much of anything about my life. Which really sucks because I've got a pretty awesome life with lots to enjoy.

This week my stress has come to a head and I've reacted to it by becoming incredibly bitchy. Especailly to John, who remains the epitome of a loving and caring husband, even as I bitch at him. Last night I bitched at him about the state of our storage room (overflowing with crap) and this morning I bitched at him for not offering to pick the baby up from my mom's so that we can make it to the baseball game on time tonight. I'm not mad at John. Not at all. It's just that he's the only person who I can safely bitch at. So, the poor guy takes the brunt of my stress-bitching, and bless his heart, never bitches back.

But, I've got a plan. I'm going to spend Saturday afternoon debitching at a day spa. I've made a deposit on a 3 1/2 hour debitchification package that is guaranteed to debitchify my body and mind. I shall emerge from this debitch process a new woman, completely unbitched and happy.

At 11:00 I will begin the process with a 50 minute Swedebitch Massage. This traditional massage is perfect for relieving tension, calming the mind, soothing aching muscles, and improving flexibility while creating a profound sense of relaxation.

At 12:00 I will enjoy a 90 minute Spa Pedicure. This refreshing pedicure includes a tea tree debitch soak, callus bitch smoothing, nail shaping, exbitchiating sugar scrub, and heated foot mask. The treatment is followed with a soothing foot massage, skin softening paraffin dip, and polish.

And finally at 1:30 I will be treated to a relaxing, stress-relieving scalp massage with essential oils, stylists will create a look designed to fit my face shape, maintenance needs and new un-bitchy personality.