"Is this a good time to talk?"
oh no. First of all my mom NEVER calls. She emails. Second, if she's not emailing me what she wants to tell me, it can't be good.
"sure, what's up?" I ask, trying to be upbeat, but bracing myself for...who knows what
"Mark has cancer."
I couldn't have possibly prepared myself for that
"..."
"he has a tumor in his esohpogus and it's malignant"
"..."
"are you there? I can't hear you."
"Fuck. This fucking sucks. FUCK!"
Ok, so not exactly a pillar of support am I? Well, this can't fucking happen is how I feel. There is no fucking way I can lose my step dad to cancer is how I feel. I'm taken back to this same fucking conversation some 15 years ago when they told me my dad had cancer. Now I don't have a fucking dad. Fucking cancer.
Yeah, I don't handle this sort of thing well.
It's been a week or so since that phone call and we've learned that the cancer is localized and it is operable and Mark is going under the knife to remove the tumor on Monday. It is a big deal. The operation has to be performed by a cardiologist because the tumor is located next to his heart. There are so many risks along with this surgery it's almost scarier than the cancer.
And this is MARK we're talking about here. I don't think I've really written about him before, but this man, my god, this man is quite possibly one of the most warm, loving, caring, tender hearted people on the planet. This is a man who befriended my father, his wife's EX HUSBAND, and helped care for him in his last days. This is a man who loves my mother unconditionally and will always, ALWAYS take care of her. This is a man who is so much more than a step dad to me. He didn't replace my dad, no one could, but he has become as much like a father to me as is possible. He is my kid's Grandpa and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves my kids as unconditionally and completely as he loves his biological grandkids. And they love him just as much.
I love you Mark. Know I am thinking of you and love you always. Now KICK CANCER'S ASS and get better soon!
Grandpa/Grandson, originally uploaded by Jmelee.
Jamie, You are so right. Life is unfair. I am so sorry to hear this horrible news. Just reading this post made me cry. Jared and I have lost too many people recently to cancer, of course including Grandma. I guess it is still a little too fresh for me. I really hope the surgery goes as well as possible. I hope that they are able to get all the cancer out and that Mark makes a quick recovery. I know I am not close, but if there is anything at all I can do for you please let me know. I will keep Mark, your mom, and your family in my prayers. XOXO
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