So I haven't lost a pound, not one stinking pound, since I started thinking about deciding to maybe go on a diet. The good news is I haven't gained a pound either, so ok then. I'm reading this great book: The Fat Girl's Guide to Life and I'm loving it! It's the first book I've ever read that isn't asking me to apologize to the world for my dimply ass and telling me if I'd just get out and exercise more I'd look like Madonna in no time. This book gets me. It understands that I don't eat more than your average person, and I probably exercise as much as your average person (3 or more days at the gym weight training and a 30 minute walk every morning). I'm just fat. I'm built that way, and that just might be ok.
Sure, I would love to lose those 30 pounds I'm still packing from the pregnancy, but beyond that, I've lost the desire to look like my husband's sisters. They're both impossibly thin and beautiful and that's great for them, but that's not me, and that's ok. I'll never wear a bikini, and that's ok too. And maybe, just maybe, I can feel pretty and sexy and be completely satisfied with my hips and my legs and my boobs and my butt just the way they are. Really.
So, the point is, I'm done with the diets. I do still plan to make some changes in my life. Some, admitedly, designed to help me drop the pregnancy weight, and others, just to make me feel better about myself. But dieting? No more. That said, here's the new plan:
1) Stop eating out so damn much! I almost always eat out two meals a day. Not only is that not good for me, it's pretty rough on the wallet too. My goal is to only eat out once a week. That includes fast food as well as sit down resturaunts. I am going on vacation in 2 weeks, so obviously I'll have to eat out more during that time, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
2) Continue the morning walk every day. It really is the highlight of my morning.
3) Keep on going to Curves and doing the weight training. I need the strength and energy to keep up with my active almost-toddler.
4) Don't go out wearing John's Star Wars t-shirt, sports bra and sweats. Really. I need to take more pride in my appearance. Make an effort. Put on earrings, wear actual pants. Or, *gasp*, a skirt! I look like a completely different person with a little eye makeup, blowdried hair and wearing attractive clothing that fits. I feel like a different person too.
5) Quit worrying about what everyone thinks of me. It doesn't matter. To the people that do matter, I'm fine the way I am. Alex can cuddle up in my soft arms and snuggle his little face into my squishy boobs. I'm his mommy and I'm perfect the way I am. John has always loved me regardless of what I weigh. He met me fat, married me fat, and continues to want to have hot sex with me fat. He knew he didn't marry a 20-something Carrie Fisher wearing a metal bikini in Return of the Jedi. If he wanted that, he wouldn't have married me. And I'm a hellofalot sexier when I feel good about my body than if I am obsessing about my cellulite
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