It'll all work out

I can see clearly where we've made our big financial mistakes.  The first one was not selling the house when I quit my job.  The second one was John taking the promotion for the job he didn't really want.  We had good, well thought out reasons for doing those things at the time, but due to circumstances beyond our control (e.g. The bursting of the real estate bubble and the current state of the job market nationwide) they ended up being HUGE mistakes.  Had we not made those mistakes, we wouldn't be in the financial toilet right now.  We'd probably be living in a small, yet affordable home.  John would still be working for eBay.  I wouldn't be desperately searching for a job and I'd be able to stay home with the boys until they started school.  We'd probably be debt free and still have our savings.

"Yeah" John says, "But we'd still be living in Utah"

I've made A LOT of mistakes in my 32 years. BIG ones. But I always find it very difficult to regret any of them because they've all led me to where I am now. To WHO I am now.  In every way that actually matters, my life is awesome.  Sure we're in the midst of a total financial breakdown. We have nothing, we owe a lot and we're not quite making ends meet. BUT we have a happy, strong marraige.  Two completely awesome boys and, give or take a kidney or two, we have our health.

I find I have to remind myself of these things a lot lately because it is so easy to get discouraged. I'm trying to look at this experience as a character building exercise.  The family who seemingly has everything, has the financial rug pulled out from under them. How do they cope?  Will they come out on top?  I say yes.  I have to keep reminding both myself and John that we have loads of potential to rebuild our financial stability. We'll get there again.  It will take sacrifice and work, but our income, our credit, a home, our savings...all of that can and will be replaced.  It's just a matter of time really. Ok, maybe a long time. 

I know someday we'll look back on this time in our lives and be glad for it.  Already it's teaching us to think creatively, recognize hidden opportunities, work together, appreciate what we do have and let go of the things we don't need.  We've grown closer as a family.  We've done what we've always wanted to do and moved out of Utah and almost unexpectedly found a place we both love. Portland has so quickly and easily become our home, I can hardly believe it's taken us so long to come here.  In only three months, I can't imagine living anywhere else. Once we're able to gain a little financial stability, even John's career crisis, I believe, will turn into a positive. He has to start all over. Which right now, sucks big hairy donkey balls.  But, he wasn't happy before.  Now he has a chance to try again, do over, find a career he's happy in.  Maybe that will be at the company he's working at now, maybe it won't. The point is, now that he's not stuck in a career path he really has the freedom to do whatever he wants to do.  I have to go back to work, but maybe that will be good too. I've always liked working, maybe now that I'm not exactly a "new mom" anymore, it will be easier to find that work/home balance I couldn't find before. 

Everything will work out. I know it will. I have faith in us.