I'll just go ahead and have a good old fashioned emotional breakdown

So after all my hemming and hawing about whether or not to get the H1N1 shot, it doesn't even matter because it's impossible to even GET the shot yet and Alex is already sick, which means it's just a matter of time before the rest of us succumb.

Then, I hem and haw about the Tamiflu, he seems better, but then he didn't anymore and is now registering a 102 degree temp again.  After a frantic call to John (who's out getting the car fixed with money we don't have) he agrees to give him the Tamiflu, which I do, and Alex promptly throws it all up.

Shit.

I'm already completely worked up about the Swine Flu because of the stupid media and their determination to cause a nationwide panic, then Obama and his "state of emergency" and THREE pediatricians telling me Alex could DIE from the fucking Swine Flu and here he's probably got it and the best defense against it is Tamiflu which I can't even get him to take without him throwing up and not even GETTING the medication in his system and Max is going around licking everything and I can't keep him away from his brother and John is high risk for complications with the flu as well because of his asthma and kidney disease, not to mention he doesn't get sick pay at work, so if he's out sick how do we pay our rent? Buy groceries? Pay for our ridiculously expensive insurance so we can afford the medical bills that will surely pile up with all of these high risk flu suffering people I live with??? What if they fire him because he's only been working for three weeks, and now he already has to take time off???

GAHHHH!

John, always the calm one, says we'll get through it. We always do, to which I respond YES! WE ALWAYS DO AND WHAT IF WE'VE USED UP ALL OUR MOJO? THE HOUSE ISN'T SELLING! I CAN'T FIND A JOB!! WE HAVE THE SWINE FLU! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! AGGGGGHHHHH! 

I think it's pretty clear that I've already lost it and perhaps the flu isn't the worst of our problems anymore.