Mmm, smells good

The last couple of days, anyone who comes to my house mentions that it smells good, what am I cooking?  Well, I am going to tell you my secret.  You too can have a house that smells like mine.

Step 1:  Turn the large burner on the back of the stove on high. (It works best if you have a flat/glass top surface)

Step 2:  Forget you turned it on.

Step 3:  Actually cook your meal on the large burner located on the front of the stove.

Step 4:  Remember you have the back burner on.  Turn it off.

Step 5:  Immediately forget it was ever on in the first place and that it is still very, VERY hot.

Step 6:  Finish cooking your meal and place your large black plastic spoon directly on the back burner. 

Step 7:  Leave the room

Step 8:  Smell something suspicious from the other room, run into the kitchen to find a puddle of black goo bubbling on the back burner of the stove.  Disregard the fact that the burner is still LAVA HOT and proceed to attempt to wipe the black goo off the stove with a wet Clorox wipe.  The Clorox wipe is the key to the subtle citrus scent.

Step 9:  Burn the EVERLOVINGCRAP out of your fingers to add the musky fleshy smoky smell.

Step 10:  While burner is still piping hot, use the biodegradable, earth friendly kitchen pumice stone on the back burner.  Make sure you take care to scratch the shit out of your flat top range.  Somehow this adds a spicy scent.

And there you have it.  A unique food-like yet vaguely plastic-y aroma that is guaranteed to seep into all of your porous surfaces and last a few days, possibly weeks/months/years.

It is also best to do this just days before you put your house up for sale.  Nothing says "BUY ME!" like a mysterious smell coming from the kitchen.