On our vacation I think John finally understood what I mean when I say I can't stand hearing the boys cry. Max would be wailing in the backseat while we're between podunk towns in the middle of nowhere and I'd have my eyes squeezed shut grinding my teeth and balling my hands into fists in an effort to try not to claw my ears off. One time he said to me "yea, it bugs me too" to which I responded in a high pitched panicky voice "IT HURTS ME!" And I meant it. when my child cries, I feel real physical pain. Whenever Max would start crying in the car I'd yell "STOP THE CAR! YOU HAVE TO STOP THE CAR!" and wherever we were he'd pull over and I'd go rescue the baby, only when he was calmed down would we be able to continue our trip. This explains why it took us 14+ hours to get to San Diego when childless it only took us 10 hours. He gets it so well that now, home in Salt Lake, when Max starts crying he immediately pulls into the nearest parking lot without my having to say anything.
I wonder if it's a biological thing. Do adoptive mom's feel this way? When an adopted child cries, aside from the need to make them happy, does an adoptive parent FEEL it? I wonder because it doesn't seem to be the same for even a biological father. For John it's just an annoying bleating from the backseat. Is it hormonal? Is it just some phantom physical connection that remains after the umbilical cord is cut? It's definately a physical response and it is so strange to me that I should be PHYSICALLY affected by the sound of my child crying.
Could be the same kind of thing that happens to me...when in a store etc and hear a child cry, calling "mom, mom"...I immediately turn towards the sound and look frantically about for...well I guess for a 5 year old Jamie lost/hurt/etc...even this many years later....the sound of a childs cry of "mom!" can transport me right back into mom mode. And the sound of a grown up Jamie in pain or distress can produce goose bumps and panic, and the urge to run at once to her aid...to do whatever it takes to help her.
ReplyDeleteIt is alright to feel this way. I think right away your baby knows who he is crying for, and you are the one that will listen and care for his needs, you kept him safe and took care of him from the beginning. I think that for those with out mothers there can be someone who can learn to do this with time, but it won't be exactly the same maybe because you have time over them from having him in the belly. Besides the number one thing (past experiences) with Max and earlier in your life you are probably more touched to the core then some mothers are to that cry for help/comfort.
ReplyDeleteI feel the exact same way. Cameron hates riding in the back by himself. He has 2 cries, one is the fussy, I am not happy cry come talk to me, the other is SCREAMING I need you to hold me, I hurt cry. When its the second one, I for sure have Scott pull over.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't bother Scott the same way either. Hmm??
We are just Mommys!