When I look at this picture, it's hard to believe that not that long ago, Alex was this small, this fragile. He actually sat still! Alex was born perfectly healthy, but just hours after his birth he developed an infection and had to stay in the hospital nursery for four days. When I was sent home without my son, John and I spent two days basically camped out at the hospital nursery, occasionally driving home in the middle of the night to catch two hours of sleep before we'd get a call "he's awake, do you want to come feed him?" and we'd rush to the car and drive back to the hospital so I could nurse him. Those were the hardest few days of my life. Feeling completely helpless to protect my baby. Not being able to figure out how to breast feed him with any degree of privacy (no less than a dozen people handled my boobs during this time). Terrified that our baby was not going to be healthy and the unknown future for our new family.
Now days, Alex is the picture of health and happiness. And sometimes I take for granted the comfort I now feel in my role as his mother. As I write this, I literally hear the "pitter patter of tiny feet" as Alex runs around upstairs (Daddy is watching him), and I can't help but smile, knowing he's off to cause trouble somewhere, get into something he knows he's not supposed to.
Alex is turning out to be someone completely unique, and often surprising. I always thought that babies were a blank slate. As a parent, you basically mold your children into who they would become. I suppose in some ways, who Alex is becoming is due to the way John and I are raising him, but there are many aspects of his budding personality that are so uniquely Alex. Since Alex has come into our world, I'm discovering parts of my personality that I didn't know I had. The way that I view the world, even some of my long held beliefs are changing. Watching him explore his world, meeting new people and find joy in every day moments and things, I'm slowing down and smelling the flowers myself. I find myself more open to new experiences. I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps we as parents don't mold our children, perhaps it's our children who mold us.
I've always considered myself basically anti-social. I don't know how to relate to people very well and I feel awkward in social situations. However, Alex, being such a social little guy, I'm getting out every day to provide him opportunities to socialize. It seems to be his goal to make friends with every living thing wherever we are. I watch him approach strangers, adults and children with no fear. He'll show them toys, appreciate the soft material their pants are made of, occasionally, he'll run to each person laughing and clapping at them until they laugh and clap right back. Daily I find myself having conversations with perfect strangers, always beginning with "You have such a cute friendly little boy!". I couldn't be more proud of him, but I can't really take credit for how amazing he is because that's just him.
John, you and I are so lucky. Our son is incredible. He's made everything in our lives more colorful, more joyous. Alex, you simply amaze me every day. I love you more than you can ever imagine. As a family, we have such an exciting future ahead of us.
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